


But since we're going to die here...

by hikarimitsuko



Series: But since we're going to die here... [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, ereri, riren - Freeform, rivaere - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-30
Updated: 2015-04-17
Packaged: 2018-03-20 10:37:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 41,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3647184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hikarimitsuko/pseuds/hikarimitsuko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi and Eren are about to die and Levi reacts in a surprising way. A way that changes everything...a way that changes them.</p><p>This Ereri/Riren fanfic takes place in the SNK universe. Eren POV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. But since we're going to die here...

**Author's Note:**

> (A/N:) Hey guys… So I’ve been contemplating the idea of writing Ereri fics for a while. English is not my mother tongue though so I hesitated a lot. I'm sorry if the grammar sucks or there are some awful mistakes, please let me know if there is. Also in french we write dialogs with this "-" so it's a bit trickier for me to write with those ".... And so please be kind. Here it goes…
> 
> PS: This story has been posted on wattpad and tumblr already so I'm just reposting my work here because let's be real, A03 is amazing. AND, I'll be posting the chapters every free moment I have so you won't have to wait much for this one. The sequel is currently in progress so when i'm done I'll update up to where I am at ^_^

===Eren POV. Eren and Levi are chasing the same 30meter Titan.===

"Move brat, I’ve got him"  
"No! I got him, stop following me"  
_He annoys me so much. Why does he always have to take his role so seriously. I can and will take down that 30meter by myself._  
"Levi move, I am not a child I can handle him!"  
"Don’t you dare call me by my name Brat, all you will do is get us killed."

The sound of the 3D maneuver gear’s wires whistles in the air as Levi shifts his weight to change direction. No way, he won’t get to him before me. I switch my weight to my left leg and one of my wire rips up the bark of a tree. Suddenly I’m freefalling, which was not part of the plan. As I do, my wires get tangled with the ones that are holding Levi. I twirl as I fall and all I can see is the trees and wires that keep turning around me. I abruptly stop and wince when the shock hits my hips. Not only am I suspended in the air, but Levi is now stuck in my wires, facing me. His gear will not be able to handle both of us for too long and the titan, who is now further away, will certainly come back for us. I try moving and untangling myself.

"Stop moving. Idiot." Levi says as he moves slowly and carefully to try and get himself out of the spider web I just pulled all around him.

"I’m sorry Heichou."

I mean it. I really mean it, because of my actions we are probably going to die here. _We’re going to become titan food._ The strength I previously had seems to evaporate suddenly. Levi notices.

"Hey, I thought you said you weren’t a child." He says while bringing my chin up with his free hand.

I blush instantly. Why? I wouldn’t know, but it’s happening.

"It’s okay brat, I’ll get us out of here."

I nod while he cuts one of the wires with his blade. Wrong move Levi. Because we are now both falling down and are stuck to each other completely powerless. Then, another abrupt stop and we are tied even tighter and closer. Our heads bang against each other and I hear something ring in my ears. _Is it a real noise? Or is it related to the little black dots I see?_  
"Eren! Relax…we wouldn’t want you to turn just now."

As he speaks, I feel his breath onto my cheek. That’s how close we are. I’m uncomfortable. After all, this man hates me with all he’s got and I keep getting in trouble. _He keeps saving my ass._ I remain silent until he finally speaks.

"I guess we are, indeed, stuck here. Guess I’m not humanity’s strongest after all and you are certainly not humanity’s last hope."

I’d look down if I could, to try and avoid his gaze but that would make me lay my head down on his shoulder and I’m pretty sure that would lend me a direct ticket to the other world.

"So…What should we do?" I ask.

"I don’t know, you’re the genius who got us here, find a way."

"Okay. How about we fire a flare. I think Armin is close to us."

"What about the titans?"

"Yeah, plus, I just noticed I lost the gun."

As he tries to look down, he rubs his cheek on my shoulder involuntarily. He quickly goes back to his previous posture and glares at me. I am probably injured from the fall, because I seem to notice a little touch of pink travelling up his cheeks and this certainly can’t be true.

"Stop staring!" He says.

"Heichou, I wish I could, but we are kind of stuck that way."

He stares at me blankly for a while but his cheeks are definitely red. After a point, I see a tear at the corner of his eye. Before I even have time to say anything, he shouts:

"FUCK IT!"

Then, he moves forward and in a split second, kisses me. At first, I have to admit that I’m surprised and pretty much certain that I don’t want that. And then his lips become more and more soft as he presses them harder against mine. It’s like I’ve been unconsciously longing for it. Mine start moving and joining his, not because I’m forced to, because I want to. I didn’t know I felt that way, I didn’t know I could. I didn’t know I could for Levi. His tongue parts my lips open and the kiss becomes a totally different one. I wish it had never stopped. I wish it would have continued forever. I wish I died while it was happening, cause that would have made me happy. Unfortunately, he slowly pulled his face away, leaving me panting. His eyes were looking anywhere but into mine. I could see he was shy but he was trying not to let it show.

"Levi." I whisper. "Why didn’t you tell me before?"

"You know why." He says angrily.

"Is it because of our age difference?"

"No. It's because you wouldn’t have known that you could feel that way if I just plainly said it to you. Also, I was denying it myself… How the fuck did I get there? Wanting an idiot like you..."

He was right. If he would have told me, I would have probably just shut this whole thing down before I even tried to see what it was. I wouldn’t have listened.

"Were you planning on telling me or was it just something that was in the back of your head?"

"I never planned on doing or saying anything… but since we are going to die here… He says as his chin points out at a titan who approaches."

"Kiss me." I order.

He quickly turns his head to look at me.

"Eren, no. What?"

His eyes widen and for the first time, I see the tiny touches of white that seem to sparkle in the sun as his eyes search mine.

"Kiss me again. If I have to die, I hope you’re the last thing I see."

He sighs.

"All you need to do is shift into your titan form, you will kill me in the process, but then you won’t have to die." Levi says.

"Heichou, I won’t let you die here alone, if you die, I die."

"Tch. Stop it, Idiot!"

"No you stop it!" I yell.

I pull one of my arms free and pull the back of his head forward. Our lips join in one last kiss, the last one of not enough. Time is suspended and nothing else exists. We open our eyes and gaze into each other’s souls. It says it all without words.

_I think I love you, I wish I said it before._

_I love you too, I wish we had more time._

The corner of our eyes seems to be smiling as teardrops overflow on our faces. We are soldiers, we are willing to give our lives for humanity. We are going to die in vain, but we are going to die in the most beautiful way, in each other’s arms. Fear isn’t something to be ashamed of as long as you have something to hold on to. As far as I’m concerned, I never knew I could feel that way. He had always been my hero, the man I looked up to. Now I know I secretly wanted him to myself.

Suddenly we hear a sharp noise but our lips do not part. And then, something falls to the ground. A tree? We wouldn’t know but we close our eyes in one last breath. That’s when we start falling again. I was expecting to die eaten, not squished on the ground. I grab Levi’s hand and he holds tight. He smiles, expecting the landing to be deadly. He smiles at me for the first and last time. Right before we hit the ground something hits us so hard that we both roll on the grass even more tangled than before. Even though the dizziness is intense, we manage to sit, still prepared to die but ready to fight together. Then, I look at Levi’s jaw, dropping. I follow his gaze and see Mikasa standing on top of the titan’s head. She makes her blade twirl as her face darkens by the second. She jumps down and walks up to Levi.

"You! She exclaims while pointing at him with her blade. Care to explain?"

He had gone back to his previous neutral face, not caring at all what she would say or do. He even sighs as she glares at him angrily. That's when I notice that he is still holding my hand. Unfortunately, she notices too.


	2. Do I look okay to you kid?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Two days later. They came back from their mission and Levi has stayed in his room since then.

*Knock. Knock*

"What is it?" Levi asks from across the door.

"It’s me, Eren. Can I come in?"

He sighs from the other side.

"Yes."

As I push the door open, I notice Levi standing in front of his desk. I’m facing his back and all his muscles seems tense under his white button up shirt. Piles of documents are spread everywhere I look around and I can’t help but wonder how this happened since he is usually such a clean freak.

"Are you okay?" I dare to ask.

His head rolls a bit further down as if he was focusing on something very important on the desk. His hands grip each side of the worktable as if he was about to throw it across the room in a sudden burst of anger.

"Do I look okay to you kid?"

"What’s wrong?"

"Nothing that concerns you." He says defensively.

Deciding to ignore his famous condescending tone, I speak:

"Fine. Then I think we need to talk."

"I’m in no mood for little talk but go ahead. Speak."

Suddenly I’m a bit nervous. _He is so different now. How can we talk about this if he’s in that kind of mood. Should I even try? I mean, I’m not very good with words either. I usually just yell at people. Turns out I’m actually a bit like he is. I’ll give it a shot anyways and we’ll see what happens._

"I was thinking we could talk about what happened in the forest two days ago, you’ve been ignoring me since then and I thought you needed space so I didn’t bother you but I need answers."

"Don’t we all? And as far as I’m concerned, nothing happened two days ago. We went on a mission and came back alive. That is all."

The pain in my chest is unbearable. I turn around and open the door. Then, as soon as I do, I frown and close it again to go back to my initial spot. I’m angry to say the least.

"What the hell is wrong with you? We need to talk about this!"

He scoffs and slightly turns his head to gaze at me. Then he turns back before answering:

"So tell me. What do you want to talk about Brat. Is it our age difference? Is it the so called-love for me that you need to proclaim? Is it the fact that you can’t handle the feelings you are having for a boy? I owe you nothing, little shit, not even answers."

I stare at him blankly and mutter:

"How…How can you be so mean? How could I ever look at you as a Hero? How did I not see how awful of a person you are? All I wanted to know… was what we were, what this was. I lost everything besides my friends. You gave me a hint of a love that I couldn’t dream of, couldn’t ever hope for. And then you take it all back. You’re ripping my heart out."

I turn around, completely shaken and grab the door handle when he calls:

"Eren! … Wait."

Still facing the desk, he turns his head to look at me and once again drops his gaze on the desk.

"I don’t know what to tell you. I…I feel guilty."

I’m surprised to hear that. I take a step back inside and move forward, closer to him.

"Guilty? Why?"

"Petra." He murmurs.

He then turns around, holding a photo of the Levi Squad, the brave souls who perished while fighting the female titan. In the center, Petra holds Levi by the shoulders in a friendly hug. He lets the photo fall to the ground over some other documents. The top of his face is covered by his hair and all I see is the little droplet at the corner of his eye that reflects light. His shadowed face is hiding someone who is trying to keep it together. Someone who has already tried for too long to hold it together. Then, before I say anything, he continues:

"I wish I could tell you what you need to hear Brat, but I’m not sure I can. You said you lost everything, but don’t you dare think I didn’t lose anyone. I lived in the undergrounds. I lost my family, my whole life to become this man that you see. And I loved her so much. I never told her because I was too scared of losing her too. Just like I lost my family once. I promised myself I’d never let such a thing happen again back then. Even if I tried every day to keep her, Petra, away from the dangers around us, she still got killed. I hated myself for not saying it out loud. I hated myself for being so stubborn, so scared. I hated myself at one point because I started loving you more than I loved her. I couldn’t be like that, I couldn’t feel like that. I was not prepared for ever feeling like that for a boy. A stupid boy who is half my age and puts everyone’s life at risk every damn day of his life. Humanity’s last hope my ass!"

He smirks and then pulls his cravat up to cover the teardrops that manage to fall past the border of his beautiful eyes.

"Can I say something, Sir?"

He seems hurt by me calling him that way but what else did he expect? He nods, recovering his usual pissed off glare.

"I get where you are coming from, Levi."

I pause to see his reaction but this time he has none. At least he didn’t protest at me calling him by his name, which I prefer because it means I’m getting somewhere with this.

"But, I think there is no shame in loving who you want to love. The past years, I’ve been focusing exclusively on training, vengeance and killing titans. During that time I admit I felt some things for Mikasa but never enough to be clearly something called love. I assume it was friendship mistaken for love. I wanted to protect her so much. I will never be with her because I never felt the way I felt when YOU kissed me. It’s the first time in my life that I had another goal. A reason to live. Not to survive, but to live. I was as surprised as you were. I didn’t think boys could be my type either. But you kissed me and now I feel different. Why is it that you can’t love a person, just a person? Not a gender, a size, an age? I realized I loved you, Levi. And I probably did for a long time but didn’t realize it until just now. And my friends will understand. Mikasa will never have me and she will learn to live with it one day. But for that, you need to accept how you feel for me, so that she understands that I was never hers in first place. If you do feel the way you seemed to feel about me. You just need to say it. That’s all I’m asking. I’m asking you if I still have a reason to live?"

He remains completely still for a moment and stares into my eyes, searching for the words he doesn’t have the courage to say. Instead, he lets go of the desk and rushes in my arms, hitting my chest really hard and pressing his head close to my heart. I stumble but manage to get my balance back before we both fall. My heart explodes in millions of pieces. Relief fills my veins, flowing everywhere inside me. A smile grows wide on my face. I tentatively put my hand in his hair but he cocks his head up and narrows his eyebrows.

**NOTE TO SELF: DO NOT TOUCH HAIR.**

Then, he places his head back to where it was before muttering:

"Just hold me, idiot! Leave that hand of yours there and don’t ever remove it again."

**NOTE TO SELF: LIKES HAND IN HAIR.**


	3. Care to entertain?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Ok so it's getting steamy in this one so stop reading if you don't want to read that...lol  
> It's about A MONTH LATER. Eren is bored and still needs answers…  
> 13+ I guess? :) Next chapter will have smutt so I will label it 18+
> 
> For my love of texts between them…let’s pretend for a moment that there are indeed cellphones in the regular story of shingeki no kyojin okay? :)

(TEXT MESSAGES)

Eren: I'm bored  
Levi: How is this my problem, Brat?  
Eren: I don't know... Care to entertain?  
Levi: When do I ever serve as entertainment?  
Eren: I can name you a couple of times.  
Levi: Really? Interesting.  
Eren: I could also refresh your mind if only Mikasa could go to sleep and stop staring at me with that angry face of hers. I'm surprised she hasn't told anyone yet.  
Levi: I assume you could, indeed, refresh my mind...amongst other things.  
Eren: I knew you loved me.  
Levi: Shut up and get your ass here.

(end of text messages)

***

“You there?” I ask when I finally reach the door.  
He opens the door and shows me his phone.  
“Yes idiot! You’d think I leave after this? Hurry up.”  
He checks the hallway to make sure nobody saw me entering the room.  
“Why do you keep doing this? We will have to tell them eventually…”  
He’s not listening to me. A flicker of envy lights up in his eyes. He reaches for my hips and pulls me closer to him. It’s tempting. Even more than tempting but I don’t want to lose track of what I was saying. He removes my survey corps jacket and throws it across the room.  
“Levi, we’re going to have to tell them, right?”  
I search his eyes for an answer, but I see right away that I’m not getting anywhere with this.  
“Tch…” He says while inspecting my shirt for any stains that I would’ve forgotten about.  
His eyes move down to my abs as he reaches the bottom of my shirt to pull it off but I stop him. He licks his lips and tries again. I push his hand away and take two steps back.  
“I said no! I want an answer first.”  
He rolls his eyes and places one hand on his forehead.  
“You and your damn answers, Brat!”  
I lift my shirt, showing off my abs to him before saying:  
“You answer or you’re not getting any of this…”  
He grins, knowing very well that I am serious and that he’ll have to cooperate.  
“FINE… I give up. What is it that you want now?”  
I’m surprised at how well that trick worked… _I’ll have to keep that in mind. For now, let’s talk serious._  
“When are we going to tell them, it’s been a month Levi, you can’t pretend this is nothing. Unless, of course, that’s what you think.”  
He wipes his hands nervously on his legs and says:  
“I’m not ready. They’re going to hate me. They won’t understand. My age, your age. Not everyone thinks like me and you.”  
I smile reassuringly. I knew all along that this was the problem, I just needed to hear it from him. A confirmation that it’s not him backing out of this relationship, but him protecting both of us from other people. _The kind-hearted hero, as always._  
“My age won’t matter in five years. And if you say you’re not ready, I will respect that.”  
He smiles and takes a step forward. I have gotten used to that very hot smile of his. I feel like it’s a treasure that only I get to cherish. But even if the temptation is stronger by the minute, I’m not done talking, so I lift my hand to stop him from coming any closer.  
“But let’s make a deal.”  
He rolls his eyes and folds his arms impatiently.  
“We will tell one person every day. Starting by the people we trust the most and finishing by the people we hate… Like Jean… jean will definitely be last. Smartass.”  
I’m scared of his answer and I’m pretty sure he’s going to disagree with me, even though he laughed when I said Jean would be the last one to know. Instead, he avoids the answer to the question.  
“Jean would just be jealous of me, Eren.”  
“Very funny! Now please give me an answer. How about we start with Hanji or Erwin, I’m pretty sure they’d both be happy and not judge?”  
He hesitates but I play with the bottom of my shirt while biting my bottom lip and he gives in.  
“Not today…not tomorrow…maybe next week.”  
I smile, a genuine one that shows just how happy he made me with this simple vague answer.  
“But you agree to do it?”  
He sighs.  
“Yes but Hanji first… Erwin might not react the way you’d think.”  
“Good enough for me…”  
He unfolds his arms and his mouth opens up a little showing the desire creeping up on his face as I remove the straps that go around my shoulder and lift my shirt up to take it off.  
“Reporting for duty…Heichou.” I purr.  
He runs to me and before I even know it, lifts me from the ground. I wrap my legs around him, scared that he won’t be able to handle my weight but then I realize he is much stronger than I thought. I bring my head down as he kisses me, parting my lips with his now so familiar tongue. My breath becomes shaky but we keep going. He travels across the room in less than a second and drops me on the bed, climbing up on me right away. He pulls on my belts as hard as he can in an attempt to remove them without detaching them all from me. He scratches my legs with them in the process but manages to get them off. I unbutton his shirt but can barely keep up with his pace and hungry eyes. My pants fly over the bed while he, is still all covered up.  
“Hey, calm down, I can’t keep up.”  
His lips quirk up into a smirk and his eyes glimmer. He rests on top of me holding his weight on his arms and waits for me to finish removing his shirt. We stare into each other’s eyes, saying the things we are not daring to say out loud. Then I remove his belt.  
“Damn, Eren, are you taking your time for a reason?” He says, growing impatient.  
He drops his weight back onto me. Our lips seal shut for a moment and then he goes back down and his tongue travels between my abs. I make uncontrollable moaning sounds as he tries to go further south. I’m still the taller one though so I pull him back up to my face with a similar strength as his. His smile grows wide as I unzip his pants and remove everything that’s in my way.

 _And suddenly, I’m free. I’m not Eren Jaeger, humanity’s last hope. I’m not Eren Jaeger, the titan shifter. I’m not Eren Jaeger, the suicidal psychopath…_ even though I can’t help but smile at this thought. _I have found my reason to live, my reason to make sure this world doesn’t end. I’m free even though I’m still stuck within these walls. I’m free in his arms. I’m free because I’m his and I love him. He’s mine. I want to shout it. I want everyone to know. I’m in love with Levi and he’s in love with me. We are together in all possible ways… He’s my Heichou._


	4. The first time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): So this part is essentially only smut… I’m not used to writing this. Also keep in mind that I speak French so it’s hard sometimes for me to find the exact needed words. You can skip this chapter if you want, all my smut chapters are not that important to the story if you don’t like it… Then again if you are reading ereri fics, you are probably dying for this so… Anyways.
> 
> It’s a FLASHBACK that Eren has right after the previous chapter (which was one month after)  
> 18+ I guess? :)
> 
> Now I need to go to church because I’ve sinned real bad…it’s gonna get worst later, you’ll see…lol. I fixed this chapter because the grammar sucked so I might have forgotten some things, please let me know if you see any remaining mistakes.
> 
> 18+18+18+18+18+18+18+18+18+

As Levi falls asleep, his head resting on my chest and his legs wrapped around mine. I unconsciously recall the memory of our first time. The progress we have made since then. Since only a couple of weeks ago. We did manage to see each other most of the nights. It was beyond our control. I laugh at myself for being so into him. _I’m such a dork._ I rub his back and fall asleep as the memory of our first time comes back to me in a dream.

******Crappy swirly mist dream effect******

\-------------(A/N): *wink…wink…wink* *nosebleed*-----------

I was holding his hips, walking in front of him, pushing him towards the bed as I kissed his soft thin lips in a gentle way that still didn’t seem to be enough. The back of his legs reached the end of the bed and he fell on his back as he hit it. He raised himself on his elbows as I slowly climbed on top of him. His cheeks were red, just as mine probably were. I did not know what to do, how to proceed so I followed whatever my instinct was telling me I felt like doing. I sat on his lap, parting my legs on each side of him and I kissed him, gently, then roughly. He grabbed my waist and I could feel him now. A huge bulge in his pants that made me scared for a moment. My body responded in an echo and he rolled on top of me as our kisses merged into something wilder, something deeper. The need had definitely kicked in now. I unbuttoned his shirt as he was busy with my pants. Thankfully I had removed my gear’s harness before coming here. Thankfully he was wearing only his regular white shirt and pants. It was awkward and we were both clumsy. After all, it was the first time for both of us. I could see that Levi was irritated about not knowing what he was supposed to do so I pulled him closer to me. I wanted him to forget how this was supposed to be and instead think of how we would do it our own way and we would take the time we needed. I was thinking of teasing him a bit about his cheeks but I didn’t want to ruin the little confidence he had left in the circumstances. We managed to remove all our clothes except for our underwear which remained the only barrier between us. A very useless barrier as I could see that both of us were rock hard. We kissed and fooled around for a while. I ran my nose down on his abs, licking them and inspecting every crease between the muscles to make sure I remembered every detail for later when I couldn’t be here with him. I played in his hair the same way as he did with mine. The just-fucked-hair look suited him so well that I couldn’t bare it anymore.

“Let’s do this.” I pleaded.  
“Fine!” He said as he shoved me on the bed playfully.

As soon as I was on my stomach, I started panicking.

“Levi, wait!”  
“What? You don’t want to?” He asked.  
“Of course I want to…but… I’m scared.” I admitted.

He raised his hand and pressed it against his unruly hair. He was uncomfortable. _No, that’s not what I wanted, I didn’t want him to feel bad for it! No!_

“You’re scared of me?” He asked, slowly backing away.

I grabbed his wrist, now resting on my knees, eyes tearing up.

“No Levi, that’s not what I meant! I swear, I love you, I wanna do this. I’m just… I’m scared it’s going to hurt.”  
“Oh…I see.”

The trace of a smile formed on his lips.

“Just… just…please be gentle. Please don’t be your usual rude-self, okay? I love you like that, it’s just now is not a good time for this.”

He sighed.

“Of course, idiot! I’d never hurt you on purpose.”

I faked a smile and he noticed, so he corrected his previous sentence with a smirk:

“Of course, lovely idiot! I won’t hurt you, we will figure it out together.”

I fell into his arms and hugged him tightly. I thanked him for understanding as he tousled my hair.

“Are you nervous?” I asked.  
“Obviously, yes. It’s my first time with a guy too.”  
“At least you had “a first time”.”

He stared at me blankly and suddenly happiness surged through his nervous gaze.

“And I always thought you and Mikasa had done it… I’ll have to teach you some things my little Brat.”

I laughed and kissed him again.

“Ewe Levi, just ewe. And…so…after…it will be your turn? Right?” I asked.

His hands fell to his side as he processed what I just said. _No Levi, you’re not getting away with this._

“What is it?” I said. “You can do it to me but I can’t do it to you? How’s that fair Heichou?”

He moved in closer, hugged me and answered:

“I guess I don’t have a choice do I?”

I pushed him back, offended.

“Well if that’s how you feel, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”  
“That’s not what I meant.” He said. “I’m just nervous, like you…and since… you’re first. I’ll just know how it’s going to be. It scares the fuck out of me.”

I smiled and nodded.

“You can go first.” I suggested.  
“No Brat, you first. Beauty before age.” He joked but then looks down between his thighs and mine. The previous activities going on down there now turned off.  
“Though, I don’t think anything else will happen tonight.” He added with a disappointed look.  
“Stupid!” I scoffed.  
“Come here.” He ordered.

I found his open arms once again and this time we took things slow. After not so long, we were back to where we were before. I wanted this; I felt the need, the urge. Our eyes met and we removed our underwear at the same time.

“Do you want to stay on your back? I’d like to see your eyes.” Levi asked.  
“Actually, we’re both nervous so I think it’s better if you don’t see my first reaction. We can always switch later.”

I turned around, nervous and excited at the same time. Levi kept rubbing my back to reassure me.

“Ready?”

I nodded, already biting the pillow, preparing for it to hurt a lot. He slid one finger inside slowly and I was already wondering how his huge thing was supposed to fit there. _Breathe….Breathe Eren._ He attempted slipping another finger in but I winced, which automatically made him stop. As I analyzes how I felt, I realized the pain was really unbearable, but there was also a tiny hint of pleasure hidden somewhere in there. I looked at the bed and my eyes settled on the glass of water on the side table.

“Levi! I have an idea…Here, take this.”

I gave him the glass of water and he used it to make my skin softer.

“How is it? He asks while moving forward with his two fingers.”

I winced.

“Not bad I say… it hurts alot. But I can manage…”  
“Shall I…?” He murmured.  
“Try another one first.”

He did and this time I felt a sharp pain, this wasn’t going to be fun. Not at all. I shivered and he stopped, knowing something was wrong. He rubbed my back and waited for me to talk.

“It’s just…don’t you have something we could use as lubrication? It’d certainly help.”

His eyes widened and he walked away to his bathroom. He came back with a glass container that seemed to have some sort of cream in it.

“What is it?” I asked.  
“Hanji gave me this the other day because my leg injury isn’t healing all that fast. She said it’s natural. It’s a bit numbing and really wet. I ruined a pair of pants with it because it wouldn’t fucking dry.”

I went back on my knees and pressed my lips against his. I took the glass container off his hand and attempted to place some of the cream where I felt the hint of pain earlier.

“Let me help.” Levi said as he pushed me on my back and spread my legs open.

He grabbed the container and covered his fingers with some of the cream. That second attempt, which I didn’t have to give my consent to because it was obvious that I really wanted him inside me now, went way better. I thought I was ready and Levi seemed ready too. I blushed as my eyes moved away from him. He brought himself to my level and I felt him against me.

I nodded, answering the question that his eyes were silently asking me. A second later a sharp pain filled my whole body. I winced in an even deeper pain.

“Son of a bitch!” I yelled.  
“Excuse me?” He asked before realizing. “…Oh!”

He stopped right away and brought his head close to my ear.

“We can stop; I don’t want to hurt you.” He said.  
“LEVI, if you get out, I swear to god I’m going to turn, so don’t!”

I saw from the corner of my eyes that his face was falling apart.

“What should I do then?” He asked. “I only got the tip in.”

I lifted my finger in the air, asking for a minute to think.

“What now?”  
“Try again. We’ll try until we can.”

He smiled at my determination and started moving very very slowly. It still hurt and I bit the pillow that was beside me as hard as I could. We re-did the slow process many times until, after a while, it didn’t hurt anymore but the pleasure I felt was too little to do anything that would make me scream and beg for it. I knew, and could feel that Levi was getting really intense sensations from it. Just that made me very happy. I felt his movements accelerate and I stood as still as possible to make sure he’d get to that point. All of a sudden, I felt a burst of pleasure and my breath accelerated. Somehow, he reached a place that made me want to scream. To scream his name. It didn’t last long though because he, then, let out a growl as low as possible, unable to keep his voice down. Then, he slowly pulled away from me, rubbing my back before doing so. He walked away and disappeared in the bathroom for a few minutes and reappeared with his hair all misplaced and droplets of fresh water dripping down his chest.

“Did you take a shower?” I asked.  
“No, I just splashed my face with cold water. I couldn’t bare the heat.”

I fidgeted with my hands, my body half covered in the bed sheets. Then, I found the courage to ask:

“So?”

He climbed back on the bed and sat beside me under the sheets. He rubbed my back with one of his hands before pushing back a strand of hair that kept getting in front of my eyes. He stared into them and said:

“It was amazing, Eren. It will get better, but this was amazing. I can’t imagine how it’s going to be the next time I’ll bring you back to this bed. And… for you? I assume it wasn’t very pleasant; you didn’t say much and barely even moved.”

I cocked my head and a smirk appeared on my face.

“I was only trying to get used to it. I’d rather not get injured so we can practice more.”

He raised his eyebrows.

“Practice, eh? Does that mean it wasn’t that bad?”  
“Yes. No. I don’t know.”  
“What an answer Eren.” He scoffed.  
“I mean, it hurts alot, but I could still feel something. Pleasure, somewhere behind the pain. So I guess when we’ll do it again. It will get better. And the next time, will be even better.”

He tousled my hair playfully.

“I guess that means we have lots of plans for the next couple of weeks, don’t we?”  
“Hey, what have you done with my condescending boyfriend, who’s that super nice and sexy guy beside me?” I joked.  
“Would you rather I’d be careless?”  
“Of course not, I’m just messing with you.”

I hit his shoulder with mine and smiled.

“Who told you you could?”

I narrowed my eyes and bit my lower lip.

“I decided I could.” I said and jumped on him while pinning his hands at the top of his head.  
“Quite playful, aren’t we? You want more already?”  
“Always hungry, especially since I didn’t come earlier. This time though, it’s your turn to bottom.”  
“Really?” He asked.

I noticed that he was nervous but tried to hide it.

“Levi, it’s fine, I’ll be as gentle as you were, I promise.”  
“Shut up and kiss me little Brat before I change my mind.”

He grabbed my face and our lips joined once again in another heavily wild embrace. I rubbed my nose up and down his chest until I went down completely on him. By the noises he made, I imagined that I had the right technique even though I never tried anything like this before. I kept going for a while but then I stopped and moved back up to his lips. He turned his face aside and I understood right away that I needed to wipe my mouth first. _Clean freak!_ After I wiped my mouth on the bed sheets, I got to meet his pissed off glare once again.

“Come on bad boy, let’s do this.” I said.

He narrowed his eyebrows.

“Bad boy…are you kidding me Brat?” He laughed.  
“Fine, I’ll stick to Heichou.”

He grinned before nodding. I repeated the same steps as he did for me. Fingers first, which he didn’t seem to like very much. Then, when he was used to it, we got to the tip. He closed his eyes. The sensation was weird at first, it was tight and unfamiliar. For him, the only difference was basically that he yelled “STUPID. SHITTY. FUCKING. BRAT.” Instead of yelling “Son of a bitch!” just like I did. I couldn’t help but smile because I knew what he was going through. I took it slow, as slow as possible so that he didn’t hurt too much. He bit the pillow so hard that feathers started twirling everywhere in the room. Then in an abrupt move, he moved away from me. At first I thought he had enough, that he was hurt. But then I realized that he was asking me to stand up and meet him. He backed up against the wall, waiting for me. I joined him and pressed my body against his, pinning him on the wall. I kissed him roughly and turned him around. His back muscles were too much to look at. I couldn’t take it anymore. I slid back in and got back into motion. It didn’t take too long until I let out a growl that was fairly similar to his. He echoed mine with moaning sounds that drove me even more insane. My body was totally falling apart as the pleasure built up inside me. Every piece of me seemed to shatter in thousands of pieces as I felt what it was to make love. What it was to be with Levi. What it was to let go.

Shortly after, Levi turned around and kissed me. We hugged for a moment until we both started to shiver from the cold air in the room. He moved aside, picked up all the bed sheets and threw them on the floor.

“They need to be cleaned, and so do we. Come, we need a shower.”  
He grabbed my wrist and walked me to the bathroom, where he planted one last kiss on my lips before pushing me into the running water and joining me.  
“I love you, Brat.” He said while facing the wall.

I grabbed his waist and forced him into my arms. Our eyes met and I removed a feather from the top of his head.

“I love you more.” I said.


	5. In the name of science

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren made the mistake of falling asleep as he recalled the dream of their first time. He spent the whole night in Levi’s room. The next morning...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me if for some reason this is too OOC...I don't think so, but just to be sure.

I wake up startled by Levi’s screaming.

“Dammit, Brat! You slept the whole night here! What are we going to do?”

I cover my head with the pillow to try and rest a little more. _I need to rest, I’m sore._

“Don’t you dare.” He says as he throws my pillow on the floor.  
_*Knock, Knock at the door…*_  
“Shit!” He says.

I sit, now completely awake, and try to make as little noise as possible. Waiting for the possible intruder to leave. But then, the door opens. Levi jumps on the bed, covering himself up with the bed sheets. Hanji comes in uninvited and says:

“Levi, I…”

She stops talking when she notices us. Without a word, she walks back out. Closes the door and reopens it. She comes in again and blinks a couple of times. She removes her glasses and puts them back on as she stares at us. Levi’s mouth drops open.

“Oh.My.God. I knew it.” She squeals while jumping around in circles.

Levi stares at her blankly for a second and then speaks angrily:

“Shut the fucking door Hanji!”

She obeys and then walks toward the bed.

“Since when?” She asks as Levi grabs his shirt and buttons it up.

I stare at both of them, not knowing what to say. So instead, I just place my hand on Levi’s shoulder.

“I’m nowhere near drunk enough to talk about this.”

He keeps his gaze down and adds:

“Eren, gather the rest of my clothes will you? “

I get up, wrapping myself with one of the bed sheets. Levi follows Hanji’s gaze to my abs.

“Oi!” He protests.

She turns her attention back to him.

“Jealous, aren’t we, Levi? So tell me, how is it with you two? How did this happen? Tell me...in the name of science that is.”  
“I swear If you don’t shut your mouth, I’m going to hit you! Eren, MY CLOTHES!”

I hand him his clothes, not saying a word, scared he’ll be pissed off if I say the wrong things. I’d rather he handles it since what happened here is pretty obvious. He gets dressed under the covers and then gets up. He throws me my pants and shirt and makes a gesture towards the bathroom. I go in, close the door and get dressed. When I come out, Levi hasn’t moved and Hanji is still waiting for answers with a gigantic smile covering her face. I eye Levi and he points at her with his chin. _So apparently I have to talk. What should I say? Let’s just start with basics I guess, then._

“Hanji, you won’t tell this to anyone, will you?” I ask.

She raises her eyebrows and quickly looks at Levi.

“A secret… interesting.” She says.  
“It’s not a secret…it’s… it’s just we want to take our time to say it to everyone. It’s not easy. Not everyone will react, well, like you.”  
“Like me…eh? Explain it to me. How did you perceive my reaction to be?” She asks.

Levi sighs.

“This is not a science experiment, Idiot! Listen to the boy!”

I roll my eyes. I take a deep breath and explain:

“We… we… Our first kiss happened about a month ago. It was, spontaneous. Neither of us had expected the other to have feelings. We were going to die, so… he made the move.”

Hanji Smirks at Levi.

“Tch…” Levi says.  
“But I wanted it too. So… here we are. It’s been a long process but we figured it out, we managed to understand that we had feelings for each other all along actually.”

Her smile grows even wider as she hears this. She turns to face Levi and he nods, confirming what I just said. I can see that he’s shy about admitting this. That he thinks people will think of him as a bad person for many reasons, like my age among other things. Hanji squeals in excitement.

“Nyaaa! Tell me everything Eren, how was the first time? Or was this the first time? Oh my god! Please tell me! Tell me!” She begs.

She grabs my hands, eagerly waiting for my answer. I can see from the corner of my eye that a shadow crosses Levi’s face. _She shouldn’t be touching me, I assume._ I remove my hands quickly and pretend to fix my shirt.

“This is between me and him.” I answer.

Levi smirks and nods. Hanji pouts, gets up and walks towards the door.

“Very well then, I think I’m going to leave you two alone for now. We will discuss these matters later.” She says with a cryptic smile.

Levi’s narrows his eyebrows and runs to her. As he does he picks up one of his blade hanging on the wall. He grabs her shirt and pushes her up against the door before she has the chance to open it. He places his blade under her chin but she doesn’t seem scared, she laughs instead.

“Levi, Levi, Levi…” She says condescendingly.  
“You are not telling this to anyone until I say it’s okay. You hear me?”  
“Of course, dear… It’s way too good of a secret to share.”

I walk up to Levi and grab his wrist, bringing down the blade.

“Heichou, she won’t tell anyone. If she does you can bet your ass that she won’t get to experiment on me anymore.”  
“Either way she won’t.” He says.

Hanji’s smile fades quickly. I move closer to Levi and hug him by the shoulders. I plant a kiss on his cheek and try to ignore Hanji’s squeaky voice. I turn Levi’s face to mine.

“Levi, the experiments are necessary for humanity. I’m still willing to give my life for it. I understand your point of view, I’d do the same for you if I would think there’s a chance you might die. But this is beyond both of us. Plus, Hanji will not hurt me. You know she wouldn’t kill her only chance at knowing more about the titans. Right Hanji?”

She nods as Levi’s gaze turns back to her.

“She better not.” He says, backing away from her.  
“See you later Hanji.” I say as a signal for her to leave.

She walks out but then re-opens the door and murmurs:

“You two are so cute. Tiny Corporal and Titan Boyfriend awwww. Oh Eren, does that mean the size of your...”

Levi rushes to close and lock the door, not letting her asking her obvious and ridiculous question. He then turns around and let’s himself glide down to the floor.

“Are you okay?” I ask, kneeling before him.

He’s looking down and his face is hidden behind his hair. A teardrop falls to his lap.

“I’m fine.” He says as he wipes his face. “I was just…”

His voice becomes shaky but he continues:

“I was just so scared that she was going to say it to everyone before we got the chance. I was scared that she wouldn’t agree with us being together.”

I smile as my eyes fill with happy tears.

“Levi, I told you. Our age difference doesn’t matter and the rest doesn’t either. We are two guys who fell in love. There’s nothing more to know than this. You’re mine and I’m yours. We’ll get through this together. Now come here.”

I open my arms and he cuddles into them and presses his head against my heart. After a while he mutters:

“How are we supposed to get you out of here without anyone noticing?” 

I tangle my fingers in his hair playfully.

“I guess, I could stay here all day.” I suggest.

He cocks his head up and bites his bottom lip. _Damn he had never done that before, that’s my thing._ I groan.

*Knock. Knock* at the door…

We both jump, startled by the noise behind the door.

“Heichou.” Armin says after knocking. “I came to discuss an idea I had. Can I come in?”

Levi’s eyes flicker and with a smile, he answers:

“I’m not well today. I’m afraid I won’t be able to leave my room. Come back tomorrow.”  
“Yes sir.” Armin says.  
“Oh and Arlert, please tell the others I don’t want to be disturbed”

Levi’s hungry gaze travels up and down my face. I hear Armin’s footsteps move further in the hallway. When Levi pushes my chest slowly further away from him, to the point where I fall flat on the floor. He climbs on top of me.

“See.” He says. “Armin is reporting for duty. He’s a brave soldier. The one that’s in front of me though, not so much. What shall I do to him?”  
“How about you bite that lip of yours once again?”


	6. Ahem, Ahem!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanji is concerned about Levi…She gets Eren to go talk to him…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit OOC, I know but I needed the fluff in my life...

Mikasa’s sitting on her bed, staring at me. I’m resting on my back, playing with the small feather I always keep on me. People seem to think it’s because of the “wings of freedom”, that I think this is for luck or something. It’s the only piece of Levi I can keep with me at all times for now. Nobody knows about us except Hanji.

“Are we going to talk about this?" Mikasa asks right before Hanji bursts in.

 _Thank god for Hanji._ I get up and place the feather in my pocket.

“Eren, dear. I’d like to discuss some experiments. Privately.” Hanji says, eyeing the door. “Would you mind joining me outside?”  
“In fact, I’ll follow you right now.” I say, glad to escape from Mikasa.

***  
The moon is rising as we step foot outside of the old castle.  
“So was it really about me or was it about Levi and me?” I ask when the door closes. “Because I’m not going to answer anything without him around.”  
“Oh no dear, you misunderstood. Look.” She says pointing at the roof with her finger.

A shadow. Someone’s sitting on the roof, looking at the sky.

“Is that…?”

She nods and walks to the stables. I follow her.

“Yes it’s Levi, I thought you should go see him, he doesn’t seem alright.”  
“I’m sorry, Hanji, I thought you wanted…”  
“It’s okay, dear. Have this.”

She hands me a set of 3DM gear. Luckily I had not taken off my harness at the end of the day. I place a hand on her shoulder.

“Thank you Hanji.” 

She nods and leaves. As soon as she’s inside, I look around to be sure no one’s there. I press the triggers and the wires grip on the castle’s walls, bringing me up to the roof. Levi slightly turns his head but doesn’t move.

“Oi, Brat!” He mutters.

“Heichou, what are you doing?” I ask, sitting beside him.

I put my hand on his thigh and let my head fall down on his shoulder as he wraps his arm around me.

“I’m just looking at the stars.” 

I notice just now, how clear the sky is tonight. I assume it’s due to the fact that it’s been raining most of the day and that the clouds are now completely gone. The moon reflects on Levi’s pure ivory skin and even though I’m tempted to kiss him, I don’t. I know he’s not well.

“What are you thinking about?” I ask.

He slides a bit closer to me and sighs before answering:

“I’m thinking of everyone I loved in a way or another. They all died.”  
“Levi…”

I turn my head and see his clenched jaw and the tears running down his cheeks. He’s definitely pissed off that he’s crying, but he is. He gazes far away in front of him. Either in an attempt to focus on something and forget the tears or because he doesn’t have the strength to look at me as he speaks those words.

“I can’t lose you too. I can’t get through this anymore. I can’t be broken again, I won’t be able to handle it. I think you should’ve gone to the MP’s.”

I sit up straight, letting go of him, but he doesn’t move. The tears keep falling as he looks right into the moon. I try not to be offended by what he said, I really do, but my short temper gets ahead of me. I am angry that he said that. _What was he thinking?_

“LEVI! All of this would’ve never happened if I had not came here. Do you regret it? Are you saying that you wish this wasn’t happening?”

He frowns and closes his eyes, letting heavy breaths out as his teeth remain tightly clenched together. I’m about to speak again when he finally answers:

“Eren, that’s not what I mean. I love you, you know that’s true. Only, if you went to the MPs at first, I wouldn’t feel scared that I could fail to protect you. I don’t give a damn anymore about humanity’s last hope. What I care about is you, Eren.”  
“Then stop saying this nonsense. I love you. I’m here. I sure as hell am not leaving, I’m going to kill them all, I promised. Remember?”  
“Yes sure, again with the titans. But what about me? What about us? I lost too many people, I can’t lose you too.”

He looks at me with pleading eyes. It’s the first time ever that I see him as an innocent, fragile human being and it's breaking my heart.

“If I had to pick between you, and killing the titans, you know I’d choose you! I already told you, you’re my reason to live. Don’t you ever forget that. I’m not going anywhere.” I say reassuringly.

He smiles through his tears and I move closer to hug him. He falls in my arms.

“Promise me you won’t leave." He says. "Swear it on my life, because if you die, I’m leaving too.”  
“I promise. On our lives. Your soul has suffered enough and I won’t let it happen again.”

A few minutes later, he says:

“Damn Brat! What have you done to me? I used to have only one mood, what the hell is this?”

I grin.

“That’s love, Levi!”  
“Whatever.” He smirks.

I turn his chin towards me and plant a kiss on his salty lips.

“Ahem, Ahem!” Someone coughs.

We separate so quickly that I almost fall from the roof. Levi grabs my wrist right before I do.

“You promised.” He shouts as he pulls me back on the rooftop.

I laugh and he smiles. Then I look behind us and notice a shadow. At first I think it’s Mikasa and I’m already worried about how this conversation will turn out, but then I realize it’s Armin. _I wonder how long he’s been there._

“So, when is it that we are going to actually CHOOSE who’s the next to know?” Levi says to me.

I can’t help but giggle at his remark.


	7. Frowning menacingly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin gets to know the truth…And Jean...well you'll see...

He stares at us blankly when I realize I’m holding Levi’s hand. At first I’m tempted to let go, but I tighten my grip instead. I glance at Levi from the corner of my eye and he’s not moving, he’s standing straight, staring right into Armin’s face.

“Hey Armin!” I say.

His mouth opens but then closes again as his gaze falls back to our hands. I move in closer to Levi to make sure there are no doubts as to what is going on.

“Hi.” He breathes after a while. “I… I…am… I thought…”

Levi sighs, exhasperated. _And I thought I wasn’t patient…_

“Come on Arlert, get a hold of yourself!”  
“…Yes Sir!”

He salutes us and I can’t help but look at Levi who’s now grinning. My smile echoes to his while Armin seems completely lost.

“No need for a salute, idiot! This is pretty informal, if you haven’t noticed.” Levi says as he lifts up our hands in front of us.

I glare at him.

“Be nice.” I mutter.

Then I take a step backward, gesturing towards where Levi and I sat earlier.

“Look, Armin…Come sit with us. We need to talk.”

He hesitates but then nods and follows us to our previous spot on the roof. The moonlight now reflects on all three of our heads as we sit silently. He turns to me, too uncomfortable to say anything. Then, his eyes fall back to where the sky meets the land. I turn towards him after making sure it doesn’t bother Levi to stay behind me. After all, Armin is my oldest friend, and I can understand that he is confused by the fact that his best friend and his superior are now together.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” I murmur.  
“Tell me what? Eren, I’m kind of lost.” He says as his gaze meets mine.

His hands try to find something to pull on, as you would with grass in the summer. Instead he just ends up fidgeting with his gear handles.

“That Levi and I are…together.”

His face falls apart, as if he was dreading those words.

“What is it? Are you angry?” I ask, a bit apprehensive of the answer he might give me.

My eyes widen has I just now realize what Levi was scared of. People reacting like Armin is right now. I glance at him and he is inspecting his cravat to make sure it’s correctly placed. I smirk and then bring back my attention to Armin who finally decides to speak.

“No no.” He says, lifting his hands up. “I mean… I’m only surprised, I never would’ve expected this. Didn’t you two hate each other?”  


Levi scoffs behind me and I let a shy smile fade on my face.  


“Well…we did. But not really. It’s hard to explain. It’s fairly recent too but it’s been long enough for us to know how we feel. We are together Armin. I love him.”

At this last part he frowns. I can feel my heart pumping and I’m getting angry.

“Ok Armin, what is it, just tell me already. Spit it out! This is hard enough in first place!”

He raises his hands, trying to calm me down. He knows I’m not patient. He knows that I take things to heart easily. He just doesn’t know how much this applies to Levi and me. I won’t let anyone tell me it’s not okay.

“Calm down Eren, I’m just processing things… I never would’ve thought you were… and he was… the type?”

Surprised and relieved, I let out a breath that I didn’t realize I was holding.

“Yes, I have to admit it’s not that common, but honestly what does it change? We love each other as individuals, not for our genders.”  
“I know that. I was not trying to make you feel bad about it or anything. I have nothing against this. I’m only surprised. That’s all. I always thought you’d end up with Mikasa. And I have to admit I was a bit jealous. That’s probably why I liked Annie a lot before she turned into…you know… it was less complicated than liking Mikasa.”  
“WHAT? I didn’t know that.” I say. “Careful though, Jean will kill you if he finds out.”

We both laugh and Levi joins subtly. I can’t help but notice that Armin’s laugh seems a bit fake though. I wonder why.

After a while, Levi breaks the silence that settled.

“It’s been a little over a month.”

Armin looks at him quizzically.

“I can see you wanted to ask.” Levi says.

Armin nods and then I add:

“The only other person who knows is Hanji. Well and maybe Mikasa but we haven’t confirmed it to her. I wanted you to be the first of my friends to know.”

Armin’s eyes fill with tears as he tries to bear the thought that I had chosen him as the first person to put my trust into. It doesn’t take longer than that for him to hug me so tight that I can barely breathe. He extends an arm around Levi’s neck and brings him in our group hug, sobbing like he always does. I smile and turn to Levi, who is now frowning menacingly. I let out a laugh as he grins, trying to be nice for me.

“Ok, enough, Armin.” Levi says.

He let’s go and sits back. I turn back to Levi. And mouth a silent “Thanks”. He nods.

“So that’s why Mikasa’s pissed at you.” Armin says.  
“She is?” I ask sarcastically.  
“Tch… Don’t tell me you didn’t see the way she looks at me, Brat!” Levi says.  
“She’s jealous?” I say in realization. “I thought she was angry because I didn’t want to explain what she saw in the woods that day: us holding hands.”

Armin and Levi burst into laughter because apparently I was too blind to see that she was more than just a little angry at me. I would have to talk to her, it seems.

“Fine, she’ll be next.” I say.

Levi gulps.

“What?” He asks. “You want me to die?”  
“Of course not. You don’t have to come if you’re “scared”.” I smirk.  
“Excuse me?” He glares at me.

I bite my lower lip before repeating.

“Are you scared?”  
“Little shit, I’m never scared. And I’m going with you. I won’t let her destroy your pretty face.”

He winks. I know that wink refers to that only exception that is the fear of losing me. _Since when does Levi wink anyway?_  
Armin coughs.

“Want some privacy?” He asks.

We all laugh.

“Okay Brats, time to go to bed now, it’s late.” Levi says.

We get up and stand in the middle of the roof top. Armin once again rushes to us in a big friendly hug. Levi rolls his eyes as he hugs me and him back.

“Thanks for trusting me. I won’t tell. I promise.” Armin murmurs.

I glance at Levi who nods. That’s when we ear the scream:

“Intruders!” Jean yells as we all break apart.

 _No. Not Jean._ I shake my head to Levi who is already looking at me with a question in his eyes. He understands that we can’t talk to him yet. _I'm not ready to handle this with him._ He nods before shouting:

“SHUT UP, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!”  
“Heichou? Is that you?” Jean asks.

The three of us jump down as our 3DM gears restrain us from crashing on the ground. Levi barely even looks like he fell. He reaches the ground as if he didn’t even stop walking. He’ll have to teach me how to make it seem so easy. We walk to Jean. Levi in front, Armin and I in the back. Armin pats my back before standing straight again. “It’s going to be okay”, that’s what he means.

“Sir!” Jean says as he salutes Levi.  
“Why aren’t you sleeping?” Levi asks right away.  
“Because I heard voices and I thought we were under attack.” Jean says.

Levi’s eyebrows shoot up.

“Attacked by who?”  
“I…I don’t know. The MPs, they aren't exactly our allies after all, right?”

Levi grasps Jean’s hair and pulls him down. Then, he hits him with his knee. Completely shocked, I’m tempted to interfere but that would be a total give away. Normal Heichou Levi would never listen to something I say. Most of all, I would never go against his orders.

“Heichou! I think that’s enough.” Armin says.

Jean’s lip is bleeding but overall he doesn’t seem that badly injured. I’m tempted to smile but I can’t…it must hurt a lot and he thought he was doing his duty. This can’t happen again, we’ll have to talk to everyone in a shorter period of time. Not now, but soon. Levi let’s go of Jean’s head. After he coughs a little blood, Jean get’s up and salutes Levi again. I look away because I can’t look at his face covered in blood. I feel responsible for that. _I actually feel really bad for him. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to say no to Levi. Maybe I should've said yes and we would've told Jean. But if I'm being honest with myself, I know that he wouldn't have been able to keep his mouth shut and everyone would've known, including Erwin. Then, Levi would've been uncomfortable. I wish there would've been a third option but now it's done._

“Go to bed.” Levi orders to the three of us.

I turn around and start walking along with Armin.

“Not you Jaeger. You’re bringing back the spare gear with me.”

I nod as Armin walks into the castle, helping Jean on his way. Levi certainly doesn't want me to just "bing back the spare gear with him". I grin.


	8. Shitty horse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren feels guilty about how Levi treated Jean…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is 18+ because there a slight description of a steamy scene at the end.
> 
> Coming soon: Mikasa is friendzoned… Next chapter (as in chapter 9) is smut so you can skip it if you don’t like that.

I follow him to the stables. He opens the door and lets me go in first. He looks around quickly and closes the door behind him. Then, it takes less than a second for him to push me against the wall. He makes me drop the 3DM gear and then grabs my hips tightly, trying to get as close as possible to me. Even though it’s hard to resist him, I turn my head before he leans in for a kiss.

“What is it now?” He asks as he takes a step back, exasperated. “Getting real tired of your shit, Brat!”

I sigh…searching for the words I could put on my thoughts.

“It’s nothing; it’s just that I think you were a bit hard on Jean.”

He frowns and steps forward to pull my chin up with his hand. He looks into my eyes.

“You said not now. So I reacted accordingly. It is not your fault Eren, don’t beat yourself up.”

I roll my eyes.

“Yes, it is. I feel guilty because it’s almost something I told you to do. And he was being good, a brave men who was about to fight whoever he thought would put all of us at risk. He was about to do that on his own and quite probably die if it would have been the case, if there were intruders. I do not like Jean, but still, I feel bad for making you do this to him.”

“Eren, I didn’t punish him for that and you didn’t “make me do” anything. He knows very well that it’s because he wasn’t in bed.”

“He still wouldn’t have been in bed if there were really intruders. He would’ve saved all of us or at least he would’ve tried. He felt that something was wrong and he checked to make sure everyone, including you and me, would be safe. You know how Jean is…he’s an asshole… but he is a good soldier. And it wouldn’t have happened if I told you we were telling him now. Right? You wouldn’t have punished him, since you didn’t do that to Armin either.”

“You have a point.” He says.

My eyes fall back to the ground but he picks up my chin again and adds:

“Brat, we both agreed at first, when we discussed this, that Jean would be the last to know. It’s nobody’s fault, we have to play pretend for a while.”

“I’m tired of hiding.” I breathe.

I take his palm off my cheek and place it on my heart.

“This. This is all that counts. I don’t care how they will react… I’m just realizing now that your reaction was actually the only one that would’ve mattered if I had to tell you about my feelings.”

He plants a kiss on my lips and wipes the tiny tear at the corner of my eye with his thumb.

“Don’t cry. It breaks the only little pieces of my heart left untouched.”

I smile and point at my own heart.

“You can’t break it, I’m keeping it safe here.”

“Now you're being cheesy, boy.”

He smirks before continuing.

“But seriously Brat, what is it you want to do now? You want everyone to know right away? I’m…not sure that’s a good idea.”

“No, don’t panic Heichou. I’m only thinking we should still talk to Mikasa and Erwin seperately…and then just…let everyone else know.”

“Oh.”

I grab his wrist, scared that he’s going to run away from me because his eyes dart to the door.

“Is this a bad Oh? Or a good Oh!” I ask suddenly worried.

“We shall see when we set up a plan for telling Mikasa and Erwin if it’s a good Oh or bad Oh.” He replies with a smile.

I nod, relieved. I didn’t realize why he was stressed about telling everyone but I’m starting to think that the problem might be Erwin. Is he scared? Why would he be? He places his thumb on my forehead.

“Stop frowning. No need to think about this now. I have other plans.”

“Oh really?” I ask innocently.

He places his hands back on my hips and stares angrily at my harness.

“It won’t take long to remove them.” I promise while tugging the belt that circles his hips.

“Is that so…”

His eyes flicker as he pushes me really hard on the concrete wall. Our lips join in one of these kisses. The ones I know to be just a tiny hint at what’s coming. The ones that make me moan even though we’re barely touching each other. A minute later, one of his hands is down my pants and I can barely control myself. I’m about to just push him on the floor and rip off his clothes. Instead, I pick him up, making sure every detail of that perfect butt stands within the palm of my hands. He wraps his legs around my hips. It’s my turn to hit his back on the wall. He seems surprised, but he also has a devilish smile growing on his face. The way he looks at me right now makes me blush even more than ever. It’s a carnal glare. Wild. Beautiful. Dangerous. I run my free hand all over him. I stretch his arm to bite his bicep and then move from there to his hand with my tongue. I glance at him. He’s looking at what I do, intrigued and excited. I place one of his fingers in my mouth and I suck as much as my lungs can handle. After a couple of seconds, I turn my head sharply and kiss his neck roughly. I don’t realize that he’s slowly unwrapping his legs while holding himself up with his arms around my neck. I do not notice until he pushes himself away from the wall with his feet, making me fall flat on the floor. The good thing is it’s covered in hay so it doesn’t hurt it just scratches. He sits on top of me and pulls on my straps. I sit up straight, holding him at my lap. He can certainly feel how aroused I am now. I can feel him too. He grasps my hair and pulls my head back to bite my neck. That’s the exact moment when I’m totally turned off.

“Mmm Levi? Stop. Please.”

“What is it?” He says, panting.

“That horse.”

I point at the horse who’s staring from just above us. Somehow we fell right in front of his stall and he's looking at us. Levi laughs.

“Doesn’t matter. He’s not going to tell anyone. Or perhaps you’re scared he’ll want to join when he sees me naked?”

“Very funny.”

I slap his butt and his face darkens. I couldn’t say if he’s offended, pissed off or enjoys it, but I kind of like not knowing.  
As I’m about to resume my extremely pleasing activities, the horse sneezes and I’m covered in whatever this is. Levi’s eyes widen as he jumps away from me.

“FILTHY! Shitty horse!” He yells.

He walks back to me and helps me up. He makes sure not to touch any other parts than my hand. He’s disgusted. That's my little clean freak there.

“Come on Brat, let’s go shower, you’re all dirty.”

“But I’m going to wake everyone up if I take a shower at that time in the night.” I say.

“Idiot! You think I would let you go to your bed? Tch…You’re coming to my room.

“Oh really? What about if we get caught?”

“Apparently it’s only a matter of days before everyone knows…And, I want you right now. Right this moment. In the shower, on my desk, on the floor, on the bed, against the wall. I hope you’re ready little Brat! I’m only disappointed that we had to stop. It was getting interesting.”

“Yeah, I’m disappointed too, but It’s better that way. That horse reminds me of Jean.”

Levi scoffs and opens the door.

“Thanks, shitty horse!” He mutters.


	9. Revenge is sweet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Back to Levi’s room after their little adventure in the stables. This is very graphic smut so do not read it if you don’t like yaoi or smut. It’s not necessary to the progression of the story. 
> 
> 18+18+18+18+18+18+18+18+18+18+18+18+18+18+18+18+18+18+

“Come on, be a good uke for me.” He says as he pulls me close to him, his back resting against the door of his room.

I grab his wrists and turn around, now holding him instead. I press my foot behind his knee, making it bend slightly.

“What do you think you’re doing, Brat?” He asks.

“You can’t always be the seme, love.”

“You think?”

He grins and grabs my waist, shoving me onto the small table beside the door.

“Really!” I add while pushing him back to the wall. 

I place my arms beside him and even though he is stronger than me, he knows very well that he’s stuck, he’ll have to go down if he wants to get out. And that is exactly what I want him to do. The thought of seeing him kneeling before me is a big turn on. Instead, he reaches up and kisses me in a softer way. I frown, surprised but then I follow his rhythm. _I guess he wants it soft tonight._ He pulls away from me for a tiny second, just to whisper at my ear:

“You have no idea how much I love you Brat.”

I instantly blush. He isn’t usually all that sweet. And even though he likes to be on top more, I’ve decided that I was going to be on top tonight and that is all. Except that now, I want it to be sweet. Usually we’re a bit rough, but he seems… different. He places his arms around my neck and pulls me back for another very long kiss. Our tongues meet in a different way than the usual. I think I got passed another part of him that he hides very well. I sweep him off his feet and wrap his legs around me. I take a step back to lean against the table. Just this, these simple kisses, are enough to drive me crazy.

“I love you so much.” I whisper.

I can see his cheek blushing and I can feel a smile growing on his lips as he kisses me. I walk to the bed and slowly put him down as I climb on top of him, resting on my elbows. We stare into each other’s eyes for a while, without a word. I guess we’re just at that step where every detail of the other person seems to be the most perfect thing you’ve ever seen. He rubs my back up and down with his hands. I grind a little against him. His chin lifts up as I see a flicker in his eyes. His hands are now moving further south. First on my butt cheeks and then to the front where he quickly unbuttons my pants and brings them down a little. I unbutton his shirt and kiss every inch of his perfectly shaped abs. Then, I bring my teeth to his pants, pulling the zipper down with them. I use my hand for the button and pull down on his pants with the other one. I quickly remove what’s left on me as he does the same. Then, I go back to our previous position. Again, he looks straight into my eyes and his gaze is so strong that I can barely stand it.

“What is it?” He asks, suddenly worried.

“Nothing.” I say reassuringly. “I just can’t believe you chose me. Out of everyone left within these walls… and even back when… SHE… was alive. You picked me. I…have no words about how this makes me feel and you looking at me like that leaves me even more shocked and...What I’m trying to say is that I feel blessed.”

He entangles his fingers in my hair and plays with the rebellious strands that fly everywhere.

“If we were in another world, another place, another context. Without titans, wars, without us being soldiers. Without death being the most we have in common. Without bearing so much on our shoulders. I would still choose you.” He says.

My eyes widen as I take in just how much I mean to him. I bring my mouth to his and as our lips join once more, he starts grinding under me. I get back to my knees and pull him up on my lap as we join into a much deeper and closer embrace. After a while of fooling around. He moans as I slide in and he starts moving up and down on me. No uke or seme. We’re just us. I’m panting, enjoying every bit of his skin rubbing against mine. I pull him closer and deeper and he arches himself, barely containing a scream of pleasure.

“Levi, damn, take it slow! I can’t hear that once more, I swear.”

He laughs and starts kissing me. While moving a bit slower. _I don’t even think this is better, it’s even worse. Gah!_ I push him back on the bed and pull out.

“You can’t be serious Brat?”

“I just want to play longer, Heichou.”

“Is that so?”

I smile as I travel down his body with my tongue. I stop between his legs and make my way up his shaft. He gasps as my mouth presses against the top in a sweet kiss. I glance at him and he stares at me angrily. In a way that can only mean “What the fuck are you waiting for?”. I grin and let my teeth rub the thin skin. He moans, while maintaining his angry gaze directed at my mouth. Then, he bites his bottom lip as I start moving up and down. I can see he’s tempted to grasp my hair and pull my head up and down, but he is too much of a gentleman right this moment to do such a thing. Instead, he grabs the bed sheets and arches himself every once in a while, trying to keep the noises that threaten to come out of his mouth silent as pleasure fills every veins of his body. I too am trying to contain myself. Seeing him like this is almost as enjoyable for me as it is for him. He is so beautiful, so perfect. Every inch of him seems to be built out of some holy material. I let my thoughts run around all of the details of his hot body and I keep going up and down for while. Until I know and feel that he’s about to come. Then, I back away quickly. I meet a super pissed off glare as I lay on the bed and gesture for him to sit on me. He does. He jumps on me in a slightly less soft way this time. He moves up and down, never detaching his glare from my eyes. I wrap my hands around his hips, feeling myself reaching the point of no return… when suddenly, he gets up and puts one of his feet on my chest as a hunter would do with it’s prey. I whine as I feel all the satisfaction evaporate as soon as it came. He still glares at me and I don’t dare moving.

“Revenge, is sweet.” He says, folding his arms. “You stopped, I stopped.”

I grin. Then, I grab his leg and make him fall back on the bed. I unfold his arms and take both of his wrists into my hand, pulling them above his head. I bite my bottom lip and he groans when he sees me do this. A shadow covers his eyes as a flicker of excitement runs through them. I get back in and this time, there’s nothing to stop me. He meets each of my movements with a low “ahh”. Up to the point where we’re both completely silent as the build up rises and rises. I place my hand between his legs and try to synchronize it with my hips. It doesn’t take more than a minute before we are both howling. 

I slow down gradually before I pull out. Levi’s eyes are clouded with fatigue and he’s grinning from ear to ear, which is unlikely for him. I lay back on the bed and he puts his head on my chest. I remember he likes me to play in his hair so I nonchalantly do.

*Knock, knock*

“Shit!” He says completely startled.. “Hide!”

I roll off the bed and just lay on the floor beside it, hoping that whoever it is doesn’t plan on coming in. Talk about a way to ruin a perfect night.

“Coming!” Levi says as he wraps a towel around him.

Suddenly, this vision of him, all sweaty only wrapped in a bath towel makes me think I could be up for a second round. _How hot is he? My eyes can’t even stand it._ I hear the door creak-open.

“Hanji?” He says.

“I thought you should know that…you were kind of loud. I heard you from the end of the corridor.”

“I… I… I was singing.” He stutters.

“Yes… right…singing.” She says, amused. “Anyways be careful if you don’t want your little secret to get out.”

“Speaking of which.” Levi says. “Could you tell Mikasa to come see me tomorrow morning around 8?”

“Oh? Of course, no problem…. Well..hum…I’ll leave you two alone now. HI EREN!” She yells, looking at the bed.

I sit up, since she obviously knows I’m here. I just wave as Levi closes the door on her. He walks to the bathroom without saying a word. I hear the water running as he gets in the shower. I stay there but then he pops his wet head outside the door.

“You coming or what, shitty brat?”

I smile and get up to join the man that is now my one and only reason to live. _God I love him._


	10. Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa arrives earlier than expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the feels <3

I’m awaken by Levi cussing around the room.

“Get up, idiot!” He says as he throws me bits and pieces of my clothes.  
“Wha…?” I mutter.  
“GET THE FUCK UP, Mikasa is early she just knocked! Go get dressed in the bathroom, quick!”

It doesn’t take longer for me to get up and run. Unfortunately, I’m not quick enough and the door creaks open. Mikasa’s gaze falls on half undressed Levi. His face falls apart and he turns to me, powerless. She follows his gaze to me, covered in nothing more than my underwear. Her eyes widen as she takes in what this means. It’s one thing to have doubts, but it’s another thing to get them confirmed in such a way. From her point of view, I assume she pretty much understood what was going on here. I can see her jaw clenching as I stop and take a step toward her.

“Mikasa, I’m sorry, it’s not… It’s not what you think!” I blurt out.

I realize my mistake as Levi frowns.

“It’s not?” He asks.  
“That’s not what I mean and you know it!” I reply instantly.

He sighs.

“Fine, stop arguing! She’s running away, go get her.”

I give him a quick peck on the cheek and then run outside in the corridor, trying to lift my jeans up as I move through the set of stairs. Connie catches a glimpse of me and laughs.

“Damn, what did you do to her?” He says.  
“Shut up Connie!”

I run past him as I put my shirt on, almost falling 3 times in the process. I grab a pair of boots that seems to fit me and were left unattended. Then I run outside. As soon as the door closes behind me, I spot Mikasa at the stable picking up one of the spare 3DM gear sets.

“MIKASA!” I call, but she doesn’t reply.

A second later she’s already on a horse and running away. “SHIT” I mutter to myself. I sprint to the stable and grab a set of straps that is too small for me, but I’ll manage. It takes 5 minutes before I’m fully equipped. I jump on a horse and kick his sides with my heels. I keep my head down as he races outside. I follow the other horse’s trail. I hope she’s in that direction. She is intelligent though so she might be playing a trick on me so that I don’t find her. I get passed some tiny abandoned houses and I wonder if she’s there but the trail doesn’t stop here so I keep moving. Instead, it leads to a tiny forest a bit further along the way. We often go there to train with our 3DM gear but it is a dangerous place where small titans used to hide. I hesitate before entering the path that we normally use. We are not supposed to come here. And we are not supposed to come here alone. I go in anyways, I can’t leave her in this place even if I know she can handle a couple of titans on her own. I know there shouldn’t be any technically, but you can’t be too sure in this place. 

After about a mile, I stop. The trail has completely disappeared. I’m guessing she let the horse go. I make sure to attach the leather strap of mine to a strong tree. Then, I pull my gear’s handles out. I go up flying as the wires launch from my hips to attach to different trees and the air get’s released from the fan on my back. I take a couple of turns and try to see exactly where the trail stops at. The straps are pulling hard on my feet and I can feel that I’m going to be sore tomorrow, if I make it alive. The boots are bit too big and the straps are way too tight. It hurts but I keep going. Suddenly, the left hook misses a tree and my wire rolls back in, leaving me completely off balance. My heartbeat races up. I launch it again, trying to grab at anything that would keep me from falling but I fail miserably. “This day is just getting better” I mutter as I fall. The ground gets closer but I pull on the handle so that the other wire tries to roll back in a little. The screeches that it makes now are probably a sign of malfunction. At least, it does pull me up just enough so that I can hit the ground with a not so elegant stunt. I roll on the ground and end up crouched, taking deep breaths. I inspect the handles and the wires to see what’s broken but I can’t see anything that seems to be damaged. I get up, ready to get back in the air. That’s when I hear it. A muffled sob, followed by another one, and another one. I glance up at the trees in front of me and I see her, resting on a gigantic branch, 50 feet up in the air. She’s holding her knees, her eyes hidden in the red scarf I gave her.

I do not hesitate. The wires launch in front of me, pulling me forward. I land right beside her on the branch. She doesn’t even move to look at me but I can see that her hands are now holding her gear handles. She’s ready to fly away, probably not willing to listen to anything that I have to say. I must choose my words wisely. All I come up with, is the obvious.

“I’m sorry.”

She snorts and shakes her head, still hidden behind the scarf. 

A couple of seconds later, she glances up at me and as her face slowly uncovers, I see the pool of tears that fell and are still falling. Her clenched jaw tells me that she’s still pissed off. She frowns angrily.

“Of all the people…” She starts, still shaking her head. “Of all the people… you had to pick him?”

The way she says it goes straight to my heart. Levi is a good man and he’s mine. Before snapping at her I remember that she is deeply hurt, I hear it in her tone, I see it in her eyes even if she tries to hide it. What if Levi had picked someone else and this was me? I understand how she feels. I need to be honest.

“Yes. I admit it. I love him.”

She stares into my eyes, trying to see if I’m sincere. Hoping that I am not.

“Mikasa, you count as much for me as you always have, nothing has changed.”

She scoffs.

“Are you an idiot Eren? Really? Was I always just like a sister to you?”

Tears fall down on her cheeks but she wipes them off angrily with her fists. I shake my head slowly.

“You were…more than a sister to me…but I couldn’t give you what you wanted. I had nothing else in mind than protecting my friends and avenging my mom’s death. You are family to me. Maybe if things would’ve been different… We’ll never know. All I can tell you is that this happened so suddenly, it took me by surprise and at first we were not even sure of what this was. Please don’t be angry, I didn’t want you to be hurt if this was worth nothing after all. That’s the only reason why I wasn’t telling you. We wanted to tell you this morning, you weren’t supposed to find out this way.”

Her eyes shine with overflowing tears. She doesn’t seem to know how to react anymore.

“Worth nothing, eh?” Levi says as he lands, out of nowhere, beside us.

_Great, now he’s hurt too…_

“Heichou, please. You know very well what I mean. We were both unsure at first.”

He folds his arms.

“I never was.” He says. “I chose you over Petra even before I even knew myself that I chose you. It’s been you all along. You, though, seem to have doubts about this?”

I take a step towards him.

“No Levi, I have no doubt, I love you more than anything and you know it, stop being jealous.”

Mikasa gets up and snorts. She’s clearly had enough.

“Mikasa, wait!” I say.

“What?” She screams. “What more do you have to say, everything seems pretty clear to me.”

“Jealous, eh?” Levi says, glaring at me.

I turn to him.

“Could we…PLEASE talk about this, say, after I’m done explaining myself?”

“Tchh.”

I turn back to Mikasa, who’s just about to jump down the tree and fly away on her gear.

“Please. Please Mikasa, don’t!”

“Why? Give me one reason.” She says.

“Because I need you in my life. You are my family, my friend, my comrade. I can’t give you the love you want, and I know it must hurt so much now that I know how love feels like, and I’m so sorry. But all I’m asking from you is that you please come back with me. Please don’t run away on your own. I’ll give you the space and time you need, I promise!”

She stares blankly at the sky for a while. The sun filters through the leaves and makes her skin glow. I can see the little paths of tears going down her cheeks.

“Fine.”

Levi taps his foot on the branch but I ignore him. I already have enough of one pissed off psycho.

“Really?” I say with a growing smile.

She shakes her head.

“I mean fine, I’ll go back. But there are no guarantees that I’ll ever be able to talk to you again Eren. From now on, I’m a soldier and that’s all.”

Then, she turns to Levi and says:

“And you, dumbass, don’t you dare ever talking to me again. I’ll follow your orders since you’re my superior but you can drop any other subject you had in mind. Forever.”

Then, she turns back to me. Levi scoffs, still tapping his foot and his arms still crossed.

“Eren. Can I ask one thing. Just one thing? It’ll be our goodbye.” She says.

My heart clenches as I hear the word. “Goodbye” … _it shouldn’t have to be this way._

“Yes, anything.” I reply.

She bites her lip and blushes as she moves forward. Closer to me.

“You must be fucking kidding me!” Levi says as he takes a step closer, unfolds his arms and puts his hands on his blades.

Too late. Mikasa’s lips are already on mine. It’s a desperate kiss, similar to Levi and I’s first kiss in the forest. Except that we are not dying, but she seems to take this as a final goodbye so I can’t refuse it to her. It’s over sooner than I would’ve expected and as soon as I separate from her, Levi places himself between us. He’s so close to me that his back brushes against my chest as he takes heavy breaths to try and control himself.

“You got what you wanted, now get back to the fucking stable.” He says with clenched teeth.

She smiles, probably to piss him off. Then jumps down, launching the hooks into a lower tree. As she fades away on the right, Levi turns to face me. He’s pissed off, and hurt.

“Had to kiss the bitch, eh?”

I roll my eyes.

“Hey, she kissed me! How was I supposed to handle the whole fucking thing?”

“You could’ve said no.” He says.

“She said it would be a final goodbye, I couldn’t say no to her. How desperate did she seem to you? Pretty much the same as you were when you were stuck in my gear. That’s why you kissed me right? Because you knew at that moment you’d never have another chance.”

I see a flicker of sadness go through his eyes and right away I regret my words. I grasp my hair with both my hands, completely pissed off at how stupid I feel right now.

“That’s not what I mean. It came out wrong, please forget that I said that. I loved that kiss as much as you did. If it was going to be our last, it would’ve been the best thing I’d have ever lived for. I regret nothing about this. Only that I didn’t make the move first, I swear. I love you, I’m so sorry I just can’t seem to find the right words to talk to people. To talk to you and it breaks my heart to see you hurt. It breaks my heart to see that you are hurt and that it’s because of me. I assumed that Mikasa would feel the same way as we did when we kissed the first time so I let it happen. But you are right, I shouldn’t have.”

A tear sparkles at the corner of his eye and I’m completely mortified by it. _Not my Heichou. No, I couldn’t make him cry. This can’t be. What kind of a person am I? Levi doesn’t cry._ I open my arms, hoping he’ll forget about this and just hide this sad face into my chest until he feels better. Until he knows how much I love him. He hesitantly unfolds his arms and takes a step forward. I grin.

That’s when I see it. The hand. A titan’s hand that smacks the branch. I fall backwards but manage to get a grip before going completely down. My eyes fill with tears as I get back up on my feet looking everywhere for Levi.

“No. NO!”  
“TCHHH, idiot. I’m here. Right above you. We have to kill it.”

A surge of relief fills my veins as he jumps down with his gear to meet me. 

And all of sudden my heart sinks. That’s when I see the fingers that catch him, wrapped around my now unconscious boyfriend. The hand that brings him slowly closer to an even bigger mouth. It happened in less than a second. I’m paralyzed. Levi’s eyes are closed and their corners shine with what’s left of the previous tears. His face glows under the sun. He seems to have some sort of halo surrounding him. I snap out of it as I realize what’s happening. _A halo? FUCK NO!_

I jump off the branch as I bite my hand as hard as I ever had. My clothes rip off and the last thing I hear is a primal scream, the most powerful that was ever heard.


	11. The best gift ever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N:) Is he alive or dead?

The sun filters through my eyelids. I’m shaking but I don’t understand why. I can’t hear very well either. I open my eyes but everything remains blurry for a while. I’m restrained by something. My ribs hurt so I try opening my eyes again. While they adjust, I realize I’m strapped to someone’s back. I blink a couple of times, suddenly unsure of what’s happening and then everything comes back to me. I yell in total panic:

“LEVI! LEEEEVI!”

The person in front of me sighs heavily.

“Calm the fuck down, Eren. He’s right there.”

I look in front of her and see Levi resting unconsciously against the horse. Following each bumps as we advance.

“Mikasa…”I mutter. “You…you saved us?”  
“No. You did. I only got you out of there before the others arrived.”  
“The others?”  
“They were a group of 4. You killed the one that was about to eat your “boyfriend”… I killed another one to get to you and then I got you on my horse with him. We’re almost there. Hang tight.”

I can’t wait to arrive and get down this horse to check on him. I try to undo the belt that Mikasa tied around me so that I wouldn’t fall but she made one hell of a knot. I can’t bear being stuck to her that way. I should be with him. Even though I’m grateful that she came back for us, for both of us, this is all her fault. I feel a burst of anger flooding in my veins and suddenly I lose control. She feels me tighten my grip on the horse and turns her head on the side to check on me.

“EREN!!! CALM DOWN! CALM DOWN or you will kill us both. Me and HIM. You want to kill HIM?”

Her words aren’t very soothing, but the meaning of it helps me to get back to earth. _Breathe in, breathe out._

A couple of minutes later we are near the stables. I rip off the belt from around me with a new found strength. I jump down and pick up Levi from the horse.

“Wait, Eren, I’m gonna cover you up, your clothes are all ripped off. I can see…”  
“I DON’T CARE…” I say while brushing her off.

I pick a fast pace while walking towards the old castle and carrying Levi in my arms.

“Wake up.” I murmur. “Levi, please, wake up. Don’t do this to me.”

I see blood on his shirt, I am pretty sure that I can see a rib coming through it too. His eyes are closed and even though some scarlet droplets follow a trail beside his beautiful mouth, I can only pray, believe… _No, I can only KNOW that he is alright. He has to be._ There is a faint heartbeat so he is still alive. There is a slight chance. _But…but what if it’s too late?_

“Heichou…”

I can’t go on. Tears fall on my cheeks and a huge lump grows in my throat. Resulting into uncontrollable sobs. Everything is blurry but I try to keep a clear head. _I want to remember him. I want to remember my last moments with him._ The thought makes my heart ache and I suddenly feel like throwing up too. I’m close to the door but I can’t, I can’t walk anymore. I fall on my knees. Levi flinches as his legs hit the ground, making his whole body and ribs move. I’m holding him tight and I keep shaking my head. Mikasa comes beside me and tentatively puts her hand on my shoulder. I brush it off.

“Eren…I think…I think it’s too late.” She says.

I look at her with half pleading, half angry eyes and say:

“That’s what YOU wished for. You were hoping he’d die. That’s what you wanted more than anything, even more than having me.”

She takes a step back.

“It’s your fault Mikasa, it‘s all your fault if he’s going to die. Did you actually plan all this? Oh maybe you did… WAS THAT ALL A MESSED UP PLAN YOU HAD? Did you already know about us and decided it had to end? To end in such a way that my heart would be ripped off from my chest? That I could never love again? That I could never live again? I swear, I will not live in a world where he is not. I hope you are happy now.”

Tears fall on her cheeks as I realize what I just accused her of. It makes no sense, but for now I really couldn’t care less about her. I turn my attention back to Levi as I hear her walking away. I try speaking again but the anger left me to give full control to desperation.

“Hei-eichou…”I stutter while huge sobs make their way out of my mouth.

He doesn’t move and I can hear that his breathing and heartbeat are slowing down.

“P-pp-leaase, No…I..beg yoo-ou.”

I remove the hair from his eyes and place my palm on his cheek, that is much colder than before. I take a deep breath.

“I love you. I…I..I Love you! Levi. If… If you choose to leave me today, I will follow you. I cannot live without you. Not anymore. It’s selfish, I know. I’m a Brat who thinks only of himself. I…I won’t survive. I’ll be broken. I’ll be dead even though I am alive. I won’t. I swear if you die, I’m not doing this on my own. One night, you told me we’d see the ocean one day. You promised me we’d be free someday. You swore that you’d never leave me. That you’d never give up. That you would never have any other regrets for the rest of your life. Please. Levi, don’t do this to me. Do not shred my heart to pieces. Do not give me a reason to end my life. I’ll love you no matter what, whether it’s in life or death, I’m yours, Heichou. Please. I’m begging you. Please, stay…for me.”

I hear footsteps and people yelling at the same time as Levi’s body becomes limp. His breathing is fading away.

“No. NO.”

I shake him a little but he doesn’t move.

“NO, LEVI! NO PLEASE.” I shout.

I cry loudly and bring him up to me. I nestle my head at the crease of his neck. And I hear a final breath come out. Instantly I raise my face to the sky and yell:

“NO, LEVI! PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. DON’T!”

A second later I get slapped in the face. I blink and see Armin right beside me. Hanji takes Levi off me and is performing some sort of reanimation technique.

“He will be fine.” Armin says.

But I know, deep down. That it’s over. _He died. He died because of “her”._ I turn around and see her sitting at the corner of the stable. Mikasa. I don’t pay attention to the group of people around us, even less to Jean who’s wondering where I’m going as I get up to go see her. Armin follows me but doesn’t get there on time as I pull Mikasa up by her scarf and pin her to the stable’s wall. Tight enough to strangle her. Her face darkens but she doesn’t fight back.

“YOU BITCH! It’s all your fault.”

I punch the stable’s wall and my fingers crack. Mikasa jumps, scared of what I just did. It’s not like me to react this way towards people. Yes I get angry easily. No I don’t fight with people on purpose. The pain in my hand isn’t even close to how much my heart aches. I let her go and shove her back to the wall before heading behind the stables. I sit near a tree. Armin joins me as Jean goes to check on Mikasa.

I rip the grass off the ground angrily and throw it as far as possible. Armin places his hand on my shoulder but this time I don’t move. _I don’t care. I don’t care about anything anymore. I need to find a way to end my life. To end it in a good way, a way that will mean something for humanity, but one that is quick. I can’t live like this._

“I’m sorry.” He says.

I nod, unable to speak.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

I shake my head. I can’t live all this again. It’ll already haunt my dreams for the next few days. Until I’m done. Until we meet again. I hope he feels better there. I hope he misses me. Wherever that is, I hope I will find him. _I will find him._

Armin walks away after giving me two quick pats on the shoulder. He’s such a good friend. He always knew when to talk and when to shut up.

“HE’S BREATHING!” I hear someone scream.

My eyes widen and before I’m even standing up Armin is back, sporting a huge smile from ear to ear. Tears flood my eyes and I run towards all of them. Hanji is yelling orders at Jean and Connie while Erwin listens to her not so clear report, on Levi’s condition. Erwin turns his head and glares angrily at me.

“JAEGER! Get back here. NOW!”

I obey and try not to smile, but I can’t help it. I’ve just been granted the best gift ever. One that has no price. Now hopefully they can fix whatever is injured. Hopefully he’ll survive. I’m holding on to this thought with all I have. That’s all I’m hoping for. Levi already seems less tense from what I can see. Before joining Erwin I take a second to greet Hanji. As soon as she sees me, she hugs me so tight that I can barely breathe. I almost forgot that she knows. She knows, she understands how I felt. She almost lost one of her best friends too. A tear falls from her cheek and lands on mine. She wipes it off with her thumb and smiles.

“You be reassured Eren, he’ll find his way back to you.”

She gets close to my ear and whispers:

“That’s how love works and if I can tell you something, it’s that he loves you more than anything.”

She winks and goes back to Levi who is now being carried away by Jean and Connie. Erwin steps between me and them as I try to follow the one that means so much to me.

“Explain yourself.” He says with crossed arms and a look that makes me shiver.

I have never seen him so pissed off before. I assume it’s normal because this whole thing almost cost him humanity’s strongest.

“I…We…”  
“I SAID. EXPLAIN.” He yells as he grabs what’s left of my shirt.

My smile disappears right away, replaced by genuine fear.

“I…We…Mikasa and I got into a fight and Levi followed us in the forest to make sure we were okay.”

I decided to modify the truth a little because I was not sure if Levi really wanted Erwin to know. Everytime we talked about it, he seemed uncomfortable. I’d rather wait.

“And?” He says.  
“There were titans there. In the small area where we usually train with 3DM gear, not so far from where our fake titans are built. Mikasa said there was 4 but I only remember one, the one that grabbed Levi. I shifted to save him. Then, Mikasa brought both of us back here after killing one of them. So there must be at least two that are free.”  
“SO…there was a breach? Is this what you are saying?” Erwin asks.

I didn’t even think about that actually. But it wouldn’t make sense. Wouldn’t there be a lot more than 4 if that were the case?

“I’m not sure. I guess there would’ve been more if it was really a breach. It’s like they have been there for a while, they seemed to know the area pretty well. Abnormals, maybe?”  
“Nonsense Eren.” 

He lets go of me and brushes his hands on his pants.

“Sorry for this.” He mutters. “I’ll send a group there to take care of the other two. Now go get dressed.”

I perform an appropriate salute before he turns around.

“Sir. Excuse me. Sir?” I say.  
“Yes, Eren?”  
“Would you mind if I go see Captain Levi before getting back to my room? I’m really nervous about him.”

He frowns, as if he just got the answer he was looking for. He nods and while he does, my gaze falls to his feet. He’s not wearing any boots. I follow him inside and before I walk towards the stairs, he grabs my wrist and stares into my eyes. His gaze falls down to my feet.

“Should I even ask why the hell you are wearing my boots, Jaeger?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N:)OKAY, so I changed it a bit because the way I intended it to be at first was too hard for me to write… Such a bad writer XD…. SO…next chapter is where you’ll know if he is, indeed, alive. And Erwin will be asking some questions ;)


	12. Don't you dare...idiot!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...I'm not even done posting all the chapters yet and I already have more views on here than on both my fics on wattpad.... Yay for AO3? lol... Thanks for reading me guys!

“Put him there!” Hanji shouts at Connie and Jean.

As soon as he’s on the bed, that very same bed where I layed down for some of her experiments, she prepares a ton of material and throws it on the table that she just brought in.

“Oi! Help me, we don’t have much time!” She yells while gathering more things.

I glance at Erwin who’s giving instructions to Jean and Connie. The two of them leave right away. Then, Erwin is moving towards Levi. I do the same. He starts unbuckling the straps that surrounds Levi’s left thigh and a burst of jealousy fills me. I glare at Erwin as I unbuckle the ones from his other thigh. As soon as I’m done I move up to the belt that surrounds his hips. _There is no way I’m going to let Erwin, or anyone else, put their hands near his hips._ So I suggest to him:

“Commander? Take care of his legs, I’ll remove the straps from his upper body. It will go faster this way.”

He raises an eyebrow but moves back to Levi’s feet and starts removing the harness.

I try not to blush as I undo the hip belt. When it’s done I push it aside and move up to his arms. I try two or three different techniques to remove them but nothing seems to work. Nothing that wouldn’t make him move.

“Hanji?” I say.

“Yes dear, hurry up!”

“Hanji, how do I remove the straps without making his ribs move?”

She stops what she’s doing and thinks for a moment.

“Well…you have two choices it seems. Either you hurt him a little, or you cut the straps off of him. I would personally pick the first option if you do not want to deal with him after he’s healed and explain why you ruined his harness.”

I can’t help but smile, not only because she thinks he’ll be mad if we cut his belts but because she said “After he’s healed”. This means she believes that he will be alright in the end.

“But, why hurt him if we can cut them off, he’ll surely understand why we did it…” I say.

While I’m distracted, Erwin moves to Levi’s upper body and in a quick movement makes him sit up and rest his head on his shoulder as he removes the belts off of him. Levi’s body becomes tense and I can see his muscles moving. He is frowning and his teeth are grinding.

“God dammit Commander! I said I was going to do it!”

He glares at me.

“We are wasting precious time with all your whining. That’s enough!” He says.

I nod with clenched teeth. Inside my head I imagine every way I could make Erwin suffer for daring to be so close to Levi. Suddenly I feel an urge to know what happened between them. What happened that makes Levi scared of telling him about us.

Erwin places Levi back down on the bed and starts unbuttoning his shirt. I stare at him, unable to figure out what to do because I can’t stand seeing this. Erwin doing this instead of me and the rib that pierces through Levi’s beautiful skin.

“Jaeger! Snap out of it.” Erwin says. “Remove his pants or I will do it.”

He looks at me, expecting some kind of reaction but except for my red cheeks I remain emotionless. I take off his pants and stare at Levi’s boxers for a moment. Lucky me, Hanji sees my discomfort and comes to my rescue. She places her hand on mine.

“No need to remove these.” She says with a wink.

I can’t help but grin back at her as Erwin covers up Levi up to his hips with one of the few bed sheets that is not already covered in blood.

“Now now boys, you’re going to have to leave while I do this.”

“What?” I shout. “I’m not leaving! No way.”

Erwin gazes at me. Then he turns around and walks out of the room.

“Hanji, I’m not leaving.”  
“Yes Eren, you are. I can’t have you being nervous around me, I need to concentrate and focus if you want him back.”

Tears fall down on my cheeks and she wipes them off gently.

“I promise it will be okay Eren. I swear on my life I will do everything I can to save him.”

I nod, defeated. I glance at Levi and move closer to him. I bring my lips to his ear and whisper:

“Please, don’t leave me. You are my reason to live, don’t be my reason to die. I love you.”

Then, I give him a long kiss on the lips. One that I hope won’t be the last. One that will, hopefully, give him enough strength to fight just a little longer.

I hear an exclamation that comes from the corner of the room and I just realize now that Armin and Sasha are sitting there. When I look, I see that Armin is explaining something to Sasha, who giggles at what he says. I assume he just told her about us. I don’t mind. It’s Sasha, she’s not the type to judge, but I know that from now on I’ll have to assume that everyone else knows too. I just hope Levi doesn’t take this badly.

“They are here to help me, I’ll tell you if I need you.” Hanji says.

I’m a bit worried about Sasha’s clumsiness even if I trust Armin with all my being. _But what choice do I have?_ I nod again and walk out of the room with one last look at the person I love the most on this earth.

“Heichou, please don’t leave me too.” I whisper.

 

In the corridor, I see that Erwin is sitting on a chair that he brought from the room that’s across the corridor. He also brought one for me, it seems. I sit and hide my face in my hands. I can’t contain the tears anymore. He pats my back once and I instantly stop crying. _He cannot know about us, not yet._

“Can I ask you a question, Eren?”

I sit up straight, suddenly worried about what he’s going to ask. I wipe what’s left of the tears I had.

“Yes, sir?”  
“Why do I feel like you are hiding something?”

_I knew it. I knew he’d ask something like that. What am I supposed to say now?_

“Hiding?” I ask.  
“Well, you are really affected by what happened to your Captain and I am wondering why?”  
“B-B-Because…because it’s my fault. He followed me and Mikasa to make sure we were okay. I feel g-guilty.” I stutter, making the lie half believable.  
_But it’s half-true so I guess that’s alright. Right?_  
“Mmhmm… OK.”

He stares at the wall for a moment and then asks:

“Do you want to hear a story Eren? A story about Levi?”  
“YES!” I answer a bit too eagerly.

I blush and try to hide my face with my hair.

“Ok, here it goes and listen carefully because he certainly never told you most of these things.”

“When Levi joined the survey corps, it wasn’t because he wanted to. It was because he didn’t have a choice. The rumors that say he was dragged here crying and all, are false. He came here from his own will. He made a choice. Up to this day I think he still regrets it for some part but for others I’m fairly sure he doesn’t. He lost some friends in the process you see. People he cherished as the family he never really had. And they died. They died to the titan’s hands. But before they did, one of them, Isabel, made him realize that they were the people who were the closest to freedom. The survey corps that is. They were lucky. Because the people who have the wings of freedom on their backs are the people who can go out these walls. See how it is outside. See how the real world is. They were amazed by it and even before seeing any titans, Levi knew that they couldn’t get back to their previous life. He knew deep down inside that they couldn’t, when the sun hit his face outside the wall for the first time. Isabel was becoming a better soldier every day. She started liking it here. To a point where she didn’t care about the rest. Farlan wasn’t really sure anymore and Levi was hiding how he felt. He’ll never admit how attached he had become to freedom. All of this because he had a mission. He was supposed to kill me.”

I gasp for air.

“He was going to kill you? But why?”  
“Yes, now pay attention!”

“While he was out trying to kill me, Isabel and Farlan got caught and unfortunately Levi arrived too late to save them. I calmed him down and explained to him that unfortunately he got set up for this. He was, indeed, supposed to kill me, but I already knew. I knew since the start. I also knew he was going to try to kill me after hearing this but he was weak. The pain and anger that he felt was no match to my determination of keeping him as a soldier. He was angry at me but not as angry as he was about his friend’s deaths and as he was angry at himself. I talked to him. He understood that this was all because of the titans, because we weren’t free. That was the main reason why we had to fight. And on that day he decided he was going to keep fighting. By my side. Until no titans were left alive. He decided to fight for the freedom that his friends never had the chance to fight for.”

“He has been by my side since then. Hearing my theories, speaking of general ideas and plans, but he also turned out to be a great friend. A friend that I hold very close to my heart. Do you understand?”

Unsure of what to say I just nod.

“I mean do you get what I am saying, Eren?”

I frown. _Was there some hidden meaning to this? Cause I really don’t get anything besides the fact that Levi had a rough past._

“I-I’m not sure, Commander?”

He sighs heavily.

“The only reason he is protecting you, is because you look so much like Isabel. You remind me of her too. The attitude, the style, the capacity of being a total idiot. You are just the same as she was. He still feels guilty about that, even if he won’t admit it. The only reason why he’s interested in you is because he thinks that he can protect you better than he did for her.”

My heart clenches.

“What…what is that supposed to mean?”  
“Levi was never yours to begin with, Eren. He was always mine. Your little fooling around is over, I won’t let a boy like you ruin years of relationship.”

I get up, angrier than I’d ever been.

“Yours? What the hell? You know him well enough to know he doesn’t “belong” to anyone. And do you hear yourself talk? Relationship? Excuse me, Sir, but as far as I know, Levi never was with a guy before me. So I don’t know in what world you’re living, but definitely, not the same one as him and me. Where we ARE, indeed, in a relationship.”

He gets up and moves closer, looking down at me.

“Aren’t you a little young to think of such things? I mean, Levi is much older than you, after all.” He says.

“Aren’t you a little old to be such an ass?” I reply.

The punch arrives before I have time to avoid it. My whole jaw feels completely numb. I’m about to bite my hand when someone grabs my arm. Armin. He places himself between us.

“Commander Erwin, Eren… We can’t have you disturb us that way. Either calm down and sit away from each other or leave.”

Erwin and I glare at each other but I grab the chair angrily and place it on the other side of the door, closer to it too. Armin opens the door and I get a glimpse of Hanji bending down while maneuvering a tiny knife. I turn my head away. _I can’t look at this. He’s going to be fine._

“We are almost done.” Armin says. “I suggest you go take a shower and eat. He won’t be awake until late tonight.”

I shake my head and stay there with my arms crossed. Erwin gets up and leaves to come back a couple of hours later.

****  
(The following is from levi’s point of view)

****

The excruciating pain. _What happened? I can’t move. Or can I? It doesn’t seem like I can. What’s that mumbling sound? Voices? Why can’t I move?_ The voices get clearer and clearer and suddenly I hear everything. I also feel everything. _Shit! Shit.Shit.Shit. What is that pain? My ribs._ My body gets totally rigid as I take in the force of the pain. I force myself to relax, knowing that whatever that is, my body being rigid isn’t helping. I blink a couple of times but it’s too bright so I keep my eyes closed.

“Boys!” Hanji calls. “You can come see him, the drug effects are running off, he’ll be awake soon.”

I try opening my eyes but I still can’t see any light without feeling like I’m being stabbed in the head. _Boys? Drug?_ I feel someone take my hand but I don’t move. Lips brush my ears and whisper:

“Thanks for not leaving me. I love you Heichou.”

Eren. That’s when I remember it all. The forest, the titans, Eren’s face as I’m about to die. That’s when I remember that I’m gonna have to kill Mikasa because this is all her fucking fault. _But, how can I still be alive? I was crushed in a titan’s palm._ I tighten my grip on Eren’s hand to let him know I’m there.

“He moved!” He screams at Hanji. “He’s holding my hand.”

“It might be just a side effect.” She explains. “He will come back soon. Give it time. I’ll leave you three alone but you must behave yourselves.”

I hear footsteps and the door closing.

“We need to talk.” Erwin says.

“I have nothing to say to you.” Eren replies.

“I won’t let you have him.”

My heart skips a beat. I had a feeling this would be bad. _Have me? I told him before that I wasn’t the type. That I wasn’t interested in guys. Oh… I get it. He probably figured out somehow about me and Eren and he thinks he can have me now. He thinks I’m gay and that this gives him a chance at trying again. But I am. Aren’t I? I love Eren so I am? I did love Petra though. This is so complicated, and that damn headache._

“I’m not asking for permission.” Eren says.

A smile tries to creep up on my face but it doesn’t seem like it’s showing. _This brat is surprising me more and more every day. I have to admit that I enjoy him protecting me like that. I like him being a bit possessive of me. It’s not like it happened to me a lot during my lifetime. I am his after all. And honestly, I’d give him all of me without even thinking about it. Ahhh. What has gone through me? He changed me so much. I must be insane to think such things. But…I love him. I can’t help it._ My heart skips a beat as I recall everything that I feel whenever he kisses me or simply holds me. _I am hopeless. What a mess._

“And I don’t need permission to kick you out of the survey corps.” Erwin says.

I frown and this time I feel my face moving.

“Tch…” I mutter weakly.

“LEVI!!” Eren shouts as he turns back to me.

Not caring a bit about his commander staring at him, he kisses me. A long and deep kiss that makes my heart beat even faster.

“Nobody…” I murmur when Eren pulls away.

“What?” Eren asks.

I open my eyes directly in the direction where I heard Erwin’s voice. Ignoring the pain that the light causes me, I glare at him.

“Nobody takes Eren away from me. Ever. Am I clear?”

Erwin gets up and gazes at me for a moment.

“We need to talk.” He says. “Alone.”

I look at Eren and nod. He hesitates so I push his hip away from the bed and nod again with the kindest smile that I can manage to pull out of my few emotions palette. He walks away and Erwin doesn’t start talking until he hears the door closing.

“That day, two years ago, when we kissed spontaneously… Do you remember it?”

My heart clenches and I blush.

“Tch. Of course I remember.”

I turn my head away, looking at the wall and the used instruments laying on the nearby table.

“Then…how can you and Eren…?” He asks.

I take a moment to think about it but it’s too long for him it seems. He grabs my jaw and roughly turns my head towards him.

“LOOK. AT. ME!”

I meet angry eyes that are desperately seeking an answer. This needs to be clear once and for all.

“Two years ago, when I pulled away from you, from that kiss that we both wanted. It’s because I loved Petra mostly, but also, I wasn’t interested in guys. Really, I wasn’t. Kissing is one thing, but the rest wasn’t really my cup of tea, if you know what I mean. I liked you. A lot. But never in such a manner. That kiss happened because we both felt like it needed to and when I said I wasn’t looking for that kind of relationship, I was being sincere with you at that moment. Then, came Eren and I don’t even know what’s gotten into me. I don’t understand shit about what’s going on and why. But I know that I have very strong feelings for him. Strong enough for me to be able to say that I am deeply in love with him. As soon as I saw him, I started feeling things that I never felt before. I knew there was something but I denied it for a very long time. And then, one day, we were about to get eaten by a titan and were basically stuck to each other in our own wires. So I kissed him. I kissed him because not doing so would’ve been the biggest regret of my entire life and you know how many things I regretted. Right? Your kiss and this kiss, I will never regret them. But I need to be honest with you. I love Eren and whatever you decide to do, you will still be my Commander, my best friend and someone that I care about a lot. You need to accept and respect my choice. I chose Eren and I would choose him again a thousand times.”

Erwin doesn’t talk for a moment, processing what I just said. Instead of answering, he eventually bends down quickly and presses his lips on mine. It feels warm and good and all sorts of things at the same time but it also makes me uncomfortable. He pulls away and looks straight into my eyes.

“Just to be sure…Still nothing?”

I roll my eyes.

“I wouldn’t say nothing… I appreciate you, Erwin. But I love Eren. That’s all there is to say, honestly. I won’t pretend I have feelings that I don’t have.”

He stands up straight and places his hand on my shoulder. He sighs before speaking loud enough for Eren to hear us from the corridor:

“I’m glad you are ok. And if being with this idiot is what makes you happy…then so be it. If he dies though…”

I grin.

“Don’t you dare…idiot!”

He smiles back at me before calling Eren. As he comes back, Erwin turns to him before leaving.

“He’s all yours.” He says.

Eren smiles as he walks towards me. I roll my eyes at him.

“You heard everything, didn’t you?”


	13. Honesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren heard Levi and Erwin’s conversation… (continuing previous chapter's conversation)

(Levi POV again until further notice.)

“Does it really matter?” Eren asks.

I shake my head and smile.

“Tch…Brat.”  
“There are no words that could explain how much I'm happy that you are alive. I love you.”  
“I love you too, idiot. I'm not going anywhere.”  
His smile fades as he grabs my hand to hold it.

“Were…Were you going to tell me about this eventually? About Erwin?”

I take a moment to think of what would be the right answer to that. If I say yes, he’ll be reassured but what I mean to say is No because it’s not important to me… I choose honesty instead. I wasn’t planning on telling him. I never had feelings towards Erwin. I value the person he is, the friend he is, the brotherly relationship we have. But even if I did feel a need to kiss him, one day, doesn’t mean I love him. I really don’t, at least not like he would want me to. I look back up to the bright green and pleading eyes that stare at me.

“I don’t think so…”

He frowns.

“What? But why?” He asks. “Aren’t we supposed to be honest with each other?”  
“Tch. When did I ever lie to you?”  
“Never, but you weren’t honest about your past either.”

_Does he know about Isabel and Farlan? How would he? Oh…I see. Erwin must have told him._

“The past is in the past, Eren. That is the only reason why I don’t talk about it. How am I supposed to keep living my life if I keep thinking of everyone who died because of me? Also, what would be the appropriate way to put this: “Hi, I’m Levi, I really like your sorry ass, but hey, let me tell you a bit about my past in the underground where I was nothing but a highly ranked criminal” ? Tccchhh…. Enough once upon a time shit, idiot.”

He holds my hand a bit tighter.

“Come on. Be serious. I understand that. It just sucks to hear from Erwin that the only reason you like me is because I remind you of her. Isabel.”

I roll my eyes and try to sit up straight but my ribs quickly remind me that this isn’t going to happen right now. I wince.

“Are you okay?” He asks.  
“I’m fine. And this is not true…well partially. You do remind me of her, but she was a sister to me. If you haven’t noticed, you couldn’t be further away from a brother to me. That’d be quite inappropriate, considering all the things we’ve done.”

I bite my lip, trying to make him do the same because god knows how much I love it when he does that.

“Idiot.” He replies with a smirk. “So, you really like me then?”

“Careful with your words, Brat. And of course I like you, why would I be alive if I didn’t? I would’ve had no reason to come back. I saw all of them. Calling my name, begging me to go with them, and then you stood there, in the middle of the crowd of people that I lost. And then, you held out your hand. Without an hesitation, I reached for it because that’s all I wanted. I wanted you.”

He blinks a couple of times and a tear trails down his cheek. A smile grows on his face and he playfully bites his lip.

“For god’s sake Eren, these broken bones of mine will have to heal faster if you keep teasing me with those lips.”

I grin as I place his hand on my stomach. He takes a moment to play with his fingers between the creases of my muscles. I close my eyes and let my imagination do what my body can’t. Unfortunately he opens his damn mouth to talk again.

“And about you and Erwin…”

I roll my eyes and sigh, exhasperated. _I love you, little shit, how is it so hard to understand?_

“What now?” I ask.

He removes his hand and takes a step back, seemingly hurt. I clench my fists. _I don’t know what I have to say to make him understand that I don’t care about Erwin like that._

“Don’t be rude Levi, you know everything about me and I know next to nothing about you. Isn’t it normal that I ask? That I am curious about you? That I am jealous and scared of losing you?” Eren says.

I blink a couple of times to process this.

“You are jealous of Erwin?” I ask, feeling a burst of happiness surge in me.  
“Isn’t it obvious? I thought you weren’t “the type”…”

His cheeks flush with a bright pink glow and I’m tempted to pull him closer to me.

“Eren, if you heard everything, you know where I stand. You know that I love you, and only you. How many times am I going to have to say this?”  
“As many times as I need you to.” He replies with a smirk.

His hand finds its way back to me.

“And for the rest, Isabel, Farlan, the underground, my family… I will tell you everything. Just give it time. We have forever to talk about this. For now I think we have other important topics to discuss.”  
“Like what?” He asks, frowning and evidently slightly worried.

His hand moves south on my stomach and I stop him.

“As much as I’d like you to do that, I don’t think my poor ribs can handle so much fun right now.” I warn him. “Also, we need to talk about who saw what.”  
“Oh.” He mutters.

His gaze falls to the floor and I understand what that means.

“They all know?” I ask half worried, half relieved.  
“No! I mean…no…not officially. I didn’t confirm or deny anything. But…”  
“But…?”  
“But I did pretty much yell at your dead body that I loved you. That while holding you in my arms. Me being half-naked from titan shifting.”  
“Is that so…” I grin. “Well, as interesting as imagining you half naked is, I’m a bit jealous that they got to see you like that. Especially Mikasa.”  
“Oh and speaking of which…I also almost killed Mikasa because I wanted to avenge you and I held her responsible for it. I still do. I don’t know what saved her actually. Somehow I restrained myself from hitting her. I hit the wall instead."

I bring my gaze to his cracked knuckles. They are clean but I see the little scratches and they are colored a strange mix of purple and red. Suddenly I feel bad because it’s not her fault, it’s my fault. If I had not been so selfish, I wouldn’t be in that bed and Eren wouldn’t have those scars on his hands. They should’ve already healed, which makes me worried.

“Tch.”  
“What?” He asks.  
“Nothing. I just think all of this wouldn’t have happened if we told all of them in first place. I think we’re at a point where this is necessary.”

Eren’s bright eyes glow with something new. As if he had been waiting for this for months.

“You…You wanna tell them? Everyone?” He says, incredulously.

I nod and not a second later his lips are pressed on mine.

“I never would’ve dared to ask you.” He says as he pulls away from me, grinning from ear to ear.  
“Why?” I ask. “Didn’t I tell you we would eventually?”  
“Yes but…you seemed nervous about telling them. Well more about telling Erwin. Now I guess I know why”.  
“Tch… I was not.”  
“Oh yes you were nervous, Liar.”

I grab his wrist and bring him an inch away from my face. I glare at him.

“I am not a liar. Am I being understood?”

Eren blinks, surprised by my reaction. It was, indeed, half playful and half true. If there are two things I cannot tolerate, it’s being called short or a Liar. But since it came from him and wasn’t all that big of a deal considering the fact that he was absolutely right, I let it slid. Still, he answered as he would to his Captain, not to his lover.

“Y-Yes, sir!”

He doesn’t move, still wondering if I’m being playful or serious. _I love torturing you like that, brat, but right now I just wish you’d lean in._ I bite my lip and he grins.

“Oh, feeling playful Heichou?”  
“Shut up.”

He finally gives in and my body aches for more. It’s the first time that I don’t feel such a burden on my shoulders. I think…I think…

“Eren, you…You….”

He stares at me blankly.

“Levi, you are…stuttering?”  
“Tch. Shut up! What I mean to say is… Thank you. For…freeing me.”  
“Freein…?”

I cut his sentence short with another kiss. I don’t want to have to explain what this means. Not now. He freed me from the guilt of how I felt about this relationship. From the guilt I felt towards Erwin. From the guilt I had towards him for never being able to express myself the way I wished I would. He freed me from the façade that I had to put on with everyone. He freed me from my past. From these walls. I have a new hope, a second chance thanks to him. All this because he loves me. The real me. The one who has a shitty attitude and cannot deal with emotions, the one who can barely communicate, the one who has the biggest heart even though he’ll never let it show, the one who’s twice his age and loves him too much to even care anymore. The one that killed, fought, and silently cried alone at night. _He loves it all and I don’t think I have ever loved someone so much in my life. So much that it scares me. Shitty brat, what kind of trick did you play of me? What did you do, to see through me? To let me out? Thank you._

The never-ending kiss leads his hand to travel a bit further down my abs. I wince, scared of whatever damage that could do. Right away, he nods slowly in a reassuring manner. I’m not even sure gentle would qualify right now for how injured I am but it is fairly obvious now that I am happy to see him so I let go of everything. _No dark thoughts. No guilt. No wondering. It’s my turn to be free in all possible ways, and if it hurts, then let it hurt! Cause I know one thing, I would let this Brat do anything to me, good or bad. I’m his and his only._


	14. Rulers of this kingdom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Erwin still doesn’t back down and Levi gets angry.
> 
>  
> 
> (Back to Eren’s POV)

“Get up, shorty!” Hanji shouts from the corner of the room.  
Both Levi and I look at her. I, for my part, am scared for her safety. You do not go around calling Levi shorty and especially not to his face. Luckily for her though, I think he knows he owes her one, a big one.

“And here I was hoping for a little fight.” She adds. “He did change you a lot.”

She points her chin at me. _Did I change Levi all that much? I mean he still calls me Brat for god’s sake and we’re a couple now._

“Thank you.” Levi mutters.

Hanji nods at him with a huge smile. She even goes as far as to hug him. Levi pats her back and I can see in his face that he is about to shove her away.

“Hanji!” I say before he decides to hit her.  
“Yes Eren?”  
“Just when is he going to be able to get back to normal things actually? I mean like regular life activities.”

I blush at the thoughts that fill my mind but she doesn’t notice. Instead, she looks at me as if I was a moron and then she turns to Levi who is also sporting a puzzled face.

“You two are idiots. Isn’t it interesting how I just told you to get up right when I came into the room and even then you chose to ignore that important statement?”

We stare at her, confused.

“Do I need to draw you a picture?” She asks.

She takes notes on an empty piece of paper that floats around on the mess that is her desk.

“Don’t make us a fucking experiment.” Levi warns her.  
“Yeah yeah yeah.” She laughs. “Get up now.”

Levi looks at me and I can tell that the strong man I once knew is scared as shit because he has been laying 5 weeks in that stupid bed unable to do anything besides occasionally trying to get up. I walk to him and grab his arm, the one further away from his almost healed ribs. I place it around my neck and look at him. He is staring at me as he usually does. I bite my lip and a predatory smile grows on his face. It doesn’t take a second for him to be standing up. He misses us being close as much I do but it’ll still have to wait. He takes a step and then removes his arm from around my neck. He had been practicing walking a bit during the last two weeks, pretending that he could manage the pain. Which, he said, wasn’t as bad as it used to be and he kept saying how it wasn’t the ribs that hurt so much but the place where it pierced his perfect skin, leaving a huge scar that would never go away. The scar would forever remind me that I almost lost him. That because of Mikasa, he almost died.

I was still angry at her and I honestly didn’t know if I would ever want to forgive her. It would be much more easier for everyone if I had let her go on that day. But that’s not who I am. I would have regretted this my whole life. As much as I regret Levi getting hurt because of my poor life choices, I don’t think I could’ve let Mikasa go either. She’s almost my sister but right now she is just someone. Someone that lives and breathes, but she couldn’t be further away from someone I care about.

Suddenly, Levi grabs my chin, bringing my attention back to him.

“Oi! Snap out of it. Let’s go, we have things to do.”

I smirk and shake my head.

“What?” He asks.

“Nothing, I missed you, that’s all.”

As an answer, he rubs my head, causing my hair to get even more unruly than it usually is. _It’s true, I missed him, every little piece of him, even his shitty attitude._

I follow him to Erwin’s office, because that is obviously where we are headed. When we arrive, he turns to me and tangles his fingers in my hair to try and make it a little more presentable. He buttons up my shirt and glares at me with angry eyes when he notices a stain on my shirt, right beside my collar bone. He raises an eyebrow.

“What did you expect, I’ve been staying with you for the past 5 weeks. Laundry wasn’t really my main concern.”  
“Tch.” He grins as his head rolls from one side to the other in desperation.

He knocks at the door.

“Yes?”  
“Erwin it’s Levi. And Eren.”  
“Come in.” Erwin says.

The commander is sitting at a large desk where piles of papers and plans sit untouched. The bed is unmade and Levi shakes his head again. Erwin glances at me and I can see he’s putting on a straight face for Levi but he doesn’t like me more than he used to.

“So…” Erwin says. “We have a problem.”  
“Is that so?” Levi asks.

The commander nods before getting up and pulling another chair so that we can both sit, Levi and I. I sit, dreading whatever “the problem” is.

“It appears that Eren and you have done something illegal.”  
“I already know about his age and so does he about mine, so who cares? You’re going to report us, Erwin?”  
“I have no such plans. The real problem here is that you have a relationship with one of your subordinates, which is considered unacceptable. Therefore, we might have to transfer him to someone else’s command. Say mine or Hanji’s.”

I stand up, ready to leave. No way in hell that Erwin is going to be my captain even though that would imply having my own squad. Suddenly I’m confused. He’d promote me? Levi grabs my wrist and pulls me back down to sit.

“This is not going to happen Erwin.” Levi says.  
“It’ll have to. It puts your comrades at risk because the two of you are in the same team and are involved in a romantic relationship. You guys can’t go rogue at the wrong moment, it would put plenty of people’s lives at stake.”  
“Who’s to say I wouldn’t run to Eren either way, as his captain or not?” Levi asks.  
“You have a point.” Erwin says.

I grin and Erwin’s palm twitches. He really hates me.

“What about Petra?” Levi asks. “I was her Captain even though she had feelings for me.”  
“Nothing happened between you and Petra and so it didn’t matter.”

Levi scoffs and that’s when I take my chance even though I know it might end up in me getting beat up again.

“What about you and Levi, Commander?”

He glares at me. In a way that sends shivers down my spine.

“I’m Commander of the survey corps Eren. The only other choice Levi had was to go back to the underground or go to the MPs. Since nobody saw that and nobody knew that, nothing had to be done either.”  
“Well nobody officially knows about us. I retort.”  
“I can name a few that do.” Erwin clarifies.  
“And they will all know.” Levi adds.

We both turn to him but Levi looks strictly at me.

“What? I keep my promises Brat.”

He winks. _Levi fucking winks and I'll never get used to that._ He entangles his fingers with mine and I smirk. _They need us far more than we need them. We are the ones setting up the rules here I think._

“Fine, if that is what you want…” Erwin starts. “Do not blame me if you do end up getting reported though. I won’t be able to do anything at that point.”

We both nod in agreement as Erwin searches his desk for papers.

“Here is a list of the people who know about you two. Now, I think that the best way to tell all of them would be to do some sort of gathering outside and just speak the words out loud.”

 _A gathering? Oh my god, there’s a difference between making it official and showing it off in such a masquerade. But wait…… Oh I see._ My cheeks flush crimson red as I realize that he is actually trying to humiliate us. _I hate the men even more by the second. When is he fucking going to get it? Wasn’t Levi clear enough? Or is it vengeance he wants._

“No.” Levi says.  
“Excuse me?” Erwin scoffs.  
“I said no. It is breakfast right now, isn’t it? Therefore everyone is gathered in the kitchen already. Let’s do this now. No fluff, we’ll just act normally. We’ll hold hands, we’ll kiss. Same as we usually do in private. No need for a humiliating speech. No need to try and bring down Eren. You very well know that if he goes down, I’m going with him. You also very well know that I won’t put up for long with your shit Erwin. Get it the fuck together if you want us both, humanity’s greatest soldiers, to save your arses many more times in the future. Am I being clear enough this time?”

Erwin opens his mouth and closes it again, unable to speak or searching for words. Levi pulls me up and out of the room. When the door closes behind us on Erwin’s shocked face, Levi places his palm on one of my red cheeks.

“It will all be fine.” He promises.  
“But what if…”  
“No what ifs. It’ll be fine. If it isn’t, you’ll still have me and we have a lot of options here. They need us. They need us together. Humanity’s strongest and Humanity’s last hope. We are the rulers of this kingdom my little Brat and I intend on ruling it my own fucking way.”


	15. Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren has had enough...

(Eren POV)  
He walks past me and I follow, sporting a huge smile. A sincere one. One that makes me think it will be alright. For once, I know that even if everything falls apart, I’ll have someone to stand by me. Not that I was ever alone. I always had Armin and Mikasa by my side but it is not the same as having someone like Levi. Not only does he make me feel powerful, useful and safe, he also makes me feel loved. The last time I felt like that, was back when I was living peacefully in Shiganshina with my family. Before I even knew Mikasa. The feeling of mutual love, true love is a new one for me. I feel like I finally have a purpose in life besides being Humanity’s last hope. For once I feel like I am more than a pawn, more than just a useless boy who keeps failing every time he tries.  
My gaze falls down on his back and even a bit lower, I really can’t help it. I smirk and do not notice that he turns his head to look at me.

“Stop staring. Now is not the time.”

I can see the muscles of his neck tighten and the side of his cheeks lift up a little. He’s either smiling or grinning and the thought makes me do the same.  
As we arrive to the kitchen’s entrance, we meet Sasha. She smiles at us as Levi grabs my hand and laces his fingers with mine. She blushes and enters the room, without a word. I take a peek inside as the door closes again. Levi pulls me closer to him. I meet a serious face who’s eyes are filled with concern even though he tries to hide it. I’m starting to be able to read into them, those perfectly gray orbs.

“Don’t be scared. It’ll be fine. Man up.” He says.

He plants a kiss on my lips and turns around. He pushes the door and pulls me inside with him. We walk beside each other and I look straight in front of me at the wall as the room becomes quieter by the minute. No more chewing sounds or dishes banging against other ones. I feel like the whole room is holding its breath as one entity. I glance at my left and see Horse-face staring at me with a grin that I seriously want to punch. I look a bit further and meet Armin’s eyes. A look that say so much without any need for words. “It’s alright Eren, you’re doing fine. Levi is there. You love him, he loves you, the rest doesn’t matter”. At least that is what I imagine him saying and I feel much calmer now.  
We reach the end of the tables and Levi points the corner seat. I sit down, facing an empty spot. He grabs the empty chair and moves it at the end of the table so that he sits beside me. He can see all of their faces from his point of view.

“Ruler of this Kingdom.” I mutter with a smirk.

Levi smirks before getting back to his serious self. Some keep staring at us and others take occasional glances that they hope to go unnoticed. He grabs his cup and pours some tea in it before filling up mine too. I’m not that fond of tea, I prefer coffee, but now is not really a good time to mention it. He gestures towards the pile of food that thrones a little further on the table.

“Eat.” He orders.

I nod and obey. First, because I’m not sure on how to behave and second, because I am, indeed, really hungry. _Am I still supposed to act as if he was my Captain? Because technically, Levi said he wouldn’t let me get transferred to someone else’s command. So I should still behave as one of his subordinates. Right? But then, this looks weird from the love point of view, as if he was forcing me into all this._

I give half of my plate’s content to Levi who is glaring at Jean. That’s when I notice that most of them are now staring at us without a care. I look back at Levi, who’s eyes are clearly showing, at least to those who can read them, how uncomfortable he is. A sudden burst of anger fills me and I feel a need to scream at every single one of them. _ENOUGH. That’s enough for me. I’m done._  
I get up and speak to the whole annoyingly curious audience that sits in front of me.

“Listen and listen closely. I don’t need to explain myself, neither does he. I know it seems sudden but it has been going on for a while. We’re together as you obviously noticed. That’s all you need to know so you can stop staring now that you have the official words on what’s going on. You can judge me on being a fucking monster, but I won’t let you judge my love life. I hope this is clear enough for everyone because you don’t want me to repeat, believe me.”

I turn to Levi, who’s facial expression is a mix of surprise and proudness.

“Levi, I love you!” I say loud enough for all of them to hear.

I grab the back of his chair and lean in for a kiss. He not only returns it but slides his fingers through my necklace to pull me closer. The kiss doesn’t last long but it seems like it went on forever. For once, I stood on my grounds and I feel the power that he probably feels every day from being such a strong and stubborn human being.  
When I back away, the first person I see is Mikasa who glares at Levi. I move closer to him as I glare at her. Jean is laughing and Armin shoots him a warning glare as he keeps kicking him under the table. The others just smile. Genuine smiles. Sasha’s mouth is about to explode but somehow she still manages to let her teeth show through the pieces of half-chewed bread. Connie scoots a bit closer to her and smiles at me too. _Are these two… ? Nevermind..._ Hanji is having an agitated conversation with Erwin, who just walked in on my little speech.

“Commander, is this a joke?” Jean asks, pointing at us.

I glance at my lover who is still sitting beside me. Levi calmly wipes his mouth with a tissue and gets up to walk towards Jean. _He won’t hurt him, certainly not. Not with how injured he was and still is. I’m sure of it. But he clearly is going to do something though._ I follow him but stay further behind.

“A joke?” Levi asks, looking down at him with crossed arms.  
“I…I m-mean…” Jean stutters.  
“Well? I’d like to laugh too, Jean. Explain your “joke” to me.” Levi insists, a warning glare in his eyes.

The room becomes awfully quiet as Jean stutters again. _The guy is clearly not scared of me. We do fight and argue like this all the time. He is not used to Levi arguing though but I am pretty sure he remembers the last time he had a little chat with him._

“I…mmm…”

All of a sudden. Levi grabs Jean by his shirt with his uninjured arm and makes him stand up just to throw him back onto the table. He tightens his grip around the collar of Jean’s shirt and brings his face an inch away from his ear.

“If you dare call Eren and I a joke again, I will make sure that your death becomes one. Am I being clear shit-face?”

He turns to me before continuing.

“Oi, not shit-face. How do you call him Eren? Oh, Horse-face… yes. Horse-face, get back to your own shitty business. Don’t make me angry, because if you think this is angry, you haven’t seen anything yet.”

He roughly lets go of his shirt and wipes his hand on his pants before crossing his arms again.

“Sit with your friends, Eren. They have questions plastered all over their idiotic faces. In the meantime I’ll go finish my now cold tea.”

Erwin shakes his head as he walks to the end of the table to meet Levi. He sits beside him as if nothing happened. _I can’t hear them but I don’t care anymore. I trust Levi._  
I turn my attention back to the table in front of me and take the empty spot beside Jean, who is very silent now. Actually, everyone is. It’s uncomfortable and I can’t help but glance back at Levi who is just sipping his tea as he balances his chair on two legs.

“It’s fine Eren.” Armin says as I bring my attention back to them.

“I know it is.” I retort a little too roughly.

For some reason, I felt attacked. As if the statement meant that I needed permission and acceptance. While I really didn’t, I also knew that Armin didn’t mean it that way. It’s Armin. Relax, Breathe. He’s just trying to help. I glance at Jean and Mikasa. She doesn’t look at me, instead she stares at her empty plate.

“You didn’t eat?” I ask, trying to find something to say.

Surprised that I talked to her, she looks at me and shakes her head before bringing her gaze back down to the plate.

“Mom and dad wouldn’t be proud of you for starving yourself.” I say as her eyes shoot up at me with an angry glare.  
“They are your parents Eren. No need to imply that I’m your sister again. I got the hint, really, I’m not that stupid.”

Armin’s mouth drops open and I can see Jean’s jaw clench.

“T-That…that is not what I meant.” I stutter, surprised by her reaction.  
“Whatever Eren.”

Jean tentatively puts his hand on hers and she doesn’t remove it. _Believe me, I’m not jealous, but I also don’t want her with this asshole either._

“Don’t touch her.” I say as I try to remove his hand.

Mikasa grabs it and refuses to let go.

“What business is it to you?” She asks angrily.  
“He’s not good for you.” I reply.  
“HEY!” Jean says and frowns at me with a look of death.

I assume he didn’t try punching me because, and only because, of Levi who’s now looking at us.

“I’m serious, you can find someone better than him.” I try to argue.

I glance at Armin who’s now blushing. Mikasa turns to him quizzically but he turns his head away.

“It’s none of your business anyways.” Jean says.

Mikasa nods before adding:

“You didn’t want me. So you have no say in who else I pick even if he’s an ass. Stop with your jealousy already, it’s too late.”

I blink a couple of times and snort. _Oh my god, who does she think she is._

“I’m not jealous, I’m protective, minor difference here SISTER.”

She glares at me as Jean lets her hand go.

“So now I’m an ass? What the fuck did I ever do to you?” He asks her.  
“I didn’t mean that, Jean.” She says.  
“Ok enough of this.” Armin says before both Mikasa and Jean yell to him to kindly “SHUT UP”.  
Mikasa gets up and walks away. Jean follows her after making sure he hit my shoulder really hard. Levi’s eyes follow him to the door as I am left alone with Armin. I sigh.

“I’m sorry that it turned out so bad.” I mutter.

Armin grabs my arm.

“Don’t. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m happy for you.”

We both smile like idiots. I don’t ever think I could find a purest soul as Armin Arlert’s.  
Levi joins us a couple of minutes later and sits beside me as the room gets quieter. My comrades gradually get up to get back to work, leaving the three of us alone soon enough. Levi and I hold hands and for once nobody says anything or stares at us. _Maybe they are right, maybe it will be fine in the end._

“About Mikasa, Eren, I need to talk to you.” Armin announces.

Levi attempts to get up but Armin gestures for him to stay.

“I’m not so sure anymore…” He adds.  
“About what?” I ask, suddenly curious.  
“Well… I think… I think… Please don’t kill me…”

His face turns crimson red as the words fall out of his mouth.

“I think I like a guy too. I think I like Jean.”  
“WHAT?” We, Levi and I, shout at the same time.

Armin closes his eyes and gently plays with his thumbs as he tries explaining what he just said.

“I mean, I still feel something for Mikasa but I do have feelings for Jean. I’ve been spending a lot of time with him lately because we were always teamed up. I mean… how do you know if you are… Well…you know…?”

I stare at Levi and he stares at me. Definitely we are both trying to avoid the answer and we start laughing.

“Don’t…we…we’re not laughing at you Armin, it’s… it’s just the situation is funny because of Levi and I…”

He smiles, confuse but reassured that we aren’t making fun of him. He can see we are actually both shy of answering. _Levi, shy. Oh god! Somehow this is a massive turn on…._ My mind wanders to dark places. _Oi! Eren, focus._ Levi’s voice calls inside my head.

“I think you’ll know if you are.” Levi says. “Did you ever try anything like that?”  
“Are you crazy?” Armin yells. “It’s Jean we’re talking about here. He couldn’t be…gay? And also, I never felt like this before, it is confusing”  
“Did you think we could?” I ask.

He looks down at the table.

“No…honestly I didn’t.” He replies. “I was really shocked… no… surprised, about you two being together.”  
“Well then, make a move and you’ll see.” Levi says. “But let me tell you, your taste in men really sucks.”

I burst out laughing. I have to agree with him because as much as I’d like to say I’m not happy about this, I unfortunately have no say in who Armin likes or not. He is family, in a way, but not one that would let me have an opinion. Which would obviously be a negative one anyways.

“Oh come on, you can talk Eren. No offense Levi but you’re kind of an asshole.” Armin mutters.  
“Tch. Be careful, Arlert.” Levi warns with a smirk.

It takes every nerve of my body to try not to laugh at this. Levi knows very well that he is, indeed, an asshole at times. But the important thing is that I know it’s just a façade. He is a brave and kind men but he doesn’t want people to know about the latter.

“But, I still feel things for Mikasa.” Armin says.  
“Well then, pick one of the two idiots and do something about it.” Levi replies.  
“Oh my god Levi, let him talk. I understand how hard it is for him to admit this to himself but also it’s not that easy to do, you should know!”  
“Hey I never said I was gay.” Armin protests.

We both stare at him with puzzled faces.

“Did you say you weren’t?” Levi asks.  
“I...”

Suddenly Armin starts laughing. Making me follow his lead and it lasts for a while, even Levi joins on the laughter with a toned down smile.

 _How weird is all this, seriously? How the hell did we get there? How could we know ourselves so little that we are now questioning everything about us? Especially when it comes to love, it is, indeed, complicated. Is it attraction, infatuation, love or something else? Either way, the thought of us three ending up liking dicks is a very funny one because it was a hell of an unexpected turn of events._ I grin and shake my head.

Until Jean walks back inside and runs angrily towards Armin…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Just letting you know, the story isn’t going to be about jeanrmin. It is ereri but I needed to add some other stuff around it, mainly to create drama that’ll influence all of them. Anyways, I hope you still like reading this.


	16. Awkward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean and Armin talk about what happened while Eren is worried for his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Reminder, this isn't a Jearmin fic. It is important to the progression of the story but this is an ereri fic.

He grabs Armin by his neck and lifts him up from his chair.

“What the fuck?” I shout, standing up at the same time as Levi.

Levi jumps on the other side of the table and stands right behind Armin. Jean couldn’t care less. He does lower down Armin so that his feet now touch de ground. Armin’s breath is shaky but I hear his heavy breathing.

“WHY DID YOU TELL HER?” He screams at Armin. “Who else did you tell? I trusted you…”

He lets go of Armin and just points an accusing finger at him as tears fills up his eyes.

“I trusted you…” He repeats with a shaky voice and clenched fists.

He wipes his tears angrily and walks back to the door. He slams it open, leaving us three perplex.

“What the hell was that for?” I ask Armin.

He shrugs.

“You’re lying.” Levi says.  
“LEVI!” I shout.  
“WHAT? He is. Look at his face, he’s lying.”

Armin’s gaze meets mine and suddenly he gets up and runs away. I’m about to run after him but Levi grabs my arm from across the table.

“I can’t leave him like that.” I say.  
“He’s going to figure things out, let him breathe for a moment.”

I nod but inside I am completely lost as to what just happened. What secret of Jean would be worth so much hatred towards Armin for spilling it out. If he even did. Did Jean mean Mikasa? What could Armin possibly tell her to make Jean that angry?

*****  
(Jean’s POV)

 _I can’t believe that he told her. I trusted him. Out of all the people here, Armin was the one I trusted the most. The only person I thought I could freely and openly talk to. How stupid was I? What is she going to think of me now?_ I glide down the door of the room. Thankfully no one else is there. I pull my hair to try and keep the tears from coming but I can’t help it. _I’ve suffered so much. I’ve tried to hide it for too long. It’s catching up with me. I can’t take it anymore._ I sob loudly. _Who fucking cares? Everyone will know now, so let them hear me. I hate Armin, I hate Mikasa, I hate Mar… No. I don’t. But why… why did it have to end like that? Why did Annie do this to him? Of all people, to him?_

I grab the chair beside me to help myself up. I’m about to sit on it when another burst of anger fills me and instead, I throw it across the room, hitting Sasha’s bed in the process. I let myself fall on my bed and rest an arm on my eyes to hide from the dimmed lights.

*Knock knock*

“Fuck you.” I say, without a care for who that might be. 

_Levi can bite my ass right now, I don't give a crap._ The door opens and it’s Armin. I turn away from him on my side as I hear the door closing and the lock turning.

“I don’t wanna talk to you.” I say.

He sits at the end of my bed and all I want to do is hit him with all my strength. _I want to make him suffer._

“I didn’t say anything.” Armin says.

I turn around and scoff.

“Are you fucking kidding me? How would she know, I only told you. ONLY YOU. Have the decency to at least not lie to me.”

“I think she might have figured it out on her own.”

“Go away Armin.”

Instead, he moves and sits closer to me.

“What did she say to you exactly?”

I sigh, not even trying to hide how exasperated I am.

“She said “I don’t want a relationship with you while you are still healing from the loss of Marco”.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, Oh!”

“No I mean, she didn’t clearly say that she knew you had feelings for him, did she?” Armin asks.

_He has a point. Little bastard._

“Right… But it seems pretty obvious that she knows.”

“Well I didn’t say a word, I swear Jean.”

“Fine, whatever.”

He gets up and walks in front of me. Then, he kneels and pleads to me:

“I swear Jean. Please believe me. Please. Please. Please.”

_He ends up grinning and that fucker knows that I’m going to smirk at him. I can’t stay angry with him. Why?_

“Ughhh… Fine get up, stupid!”

He obeys and jumps on the bed to sit beside me but he almost falls in the process so I grab his wrist and pull him on the bed. Unfortunately, I pulled a bit too hard and he falls on top of me. We gaze at each other for a split second and Armin’s cheeks flushes with red. He stands on all fours and walks backwards to the end of the bed.

“I…I’m sorry.” He mutters.  
“It’s…okay.” I reply.

I move a bit closer to the side and tap the bed.

“Come back, it’s fine.”

He awkwardly sits next to me and tangles his fingers in his hair nervously.

“You swear? On your life?” I ask once more.

His eyes shoot up at me.

“I swear Jean. I would never do something like that and you know it.”  
“You’re right. I do.”

I smirk and keep my gaze locked on his. Neither of us stops staring until Armin giggles. I giggle too. _For god’s sake what the fuck is this we are doing?_

Suddenly, Armin’s gaze moves up and down my face. _Is he looking at my lips?_ I nervously wet them with my tongue. Not so much as an invitation but more like a “internally panicking and has no idea what to do” way. He leans in and closes his eyes. _Shit. Shit. Shit. Do I want this? Do I even want this? I… too late now._ Armin presses his lips against mine and it takes me a couple of seconds to decide that I actually want that too. He opens his eyes and our gazes meet again. We both smirk without interrupting the kiss and I know now, that I really fucking want this. I grab his hips and lift him up to place him on my lap. His whole face turns red as he gasps for air. He wraps his arms around me and I do the same. After a while though, it doesn’t seem like it’s enough and that’s when our shirts come off.

***

(Back to Eren’s POV)

“Do you think Armin’s okay?” I ask, worried.  
“Of course he is. Have faith in the poor boy.” Levi says.

He looks around and I can see he has an idea. _A good one? I’m not so sure_ , but he has one. I smirk at him.

“What is it?”

The only answer I get, is Levi getting up and sitting on my lap. _Oh now I understand what this means and I can't say i'm surprised, nor disappointed._

“Are you sure you're ready?” I ask him.  
“I think my injuries are now healed enough, but just in case, it might be better if we both are gentle.”  
“Gentle? Do you even know what that means?”

I grin and bite my lip. He grins and rips my shirt off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There'll be some Jeanrmin and ereri smutt in the next chapter. Just a warning.


	17. Slipping away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean and Armin fuck up and Levi and Eren try to help them.
> 
> Reminder: This is an ereri fic, not jeanrmin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) OK here are some IMPORTANT INFOS:  
> 1-This is a multiple POV chapter, which i'll mention when it changes.  
> 2-This chapter is necessary for the story but it contains smutt. 18+ 18+ 18+  
> 3-Please leave me some feedback on it (the whole fic or individual chapters), I'd like to know...lol (No need to mention once more that I speak french I guess? So I'm sorry for the mistakes)
> 
> I AM SORRY FOR HOW LONG THIS CHAPTER IS!! FORGIVE ME! lol...
> 
> 18+

(Jean’s POV)

I hold him tight and he holds the back of my head so that I can’t pull away from him. His bare skin rubbing against mine has become too much to handle and I pull back as much as I can to be able to slide my hands to his belt buckle. I undo it as fast as I can because I can’t wait anymore. Armin gasps for air again.

“Wait, Jean!”

He pulls his face away from mine.

“What is it Armin?”

He blushes and looks down at my chest as he nervously rubs his hands on my abs in a possessive manner. Then, he sticks his nails into my skin as he speaks the words quickly.

“I’m scared. I’ve never…”  
“Me neither.” I snort.

His jaw drops open.

“I…thought. Didn’t you and Marco…you know?”

My eyes fill up with tears as I recall my memories of Marco. _I did, indeed, have feelings for him, which were mutual. But, I never got the chance…_

“No. I took too much time and I don’t want to make the same mistake twice.”

He wipes the tears off my cheek and kisses me. I let the guilt go. _I wonder how I didn’t notice before, that I liked Armin so much. But I guess I didn’t. It’s probably a side effect from talking so much about Marco with him. Or maybe the fact that he understood and didn’t judge me. I appreciated that. I might have grown into loving him after a while, without noticing. Loving, that’s a strong word, but for some reason I think it might be the right one to use. Anyways, I’ll have time to think about it later. For now, I want him, only him._ I tentatively pull on his belt again. This time, he doesn’t pull away from me. Instead, he undoes mine too. We both smirk, probably thinking that we are dreaming all this because there’s no way this could be happening. But it is. _Yes it is._ I know it is because there is no way a dream could make me feel the way I just felt when Armin placed his hand down my pants, unable to wait for me to remove them. _This, is not a dream._

I grab his hips to keep him from getting off me as I roll on top of him instead. You’d think I could break him because we are total opposites in height, but the boy is actually much stronger than I thought. He also happens to have a nice muscle definition and I have to admit that I could stare at it all day. He pulls me by the neck and I pull back away. _Enough kissing. I want more. I need more. There’s a fire burning inside me and it needs to be fed right now._ I pull his pants down and throw them aside. Then, I attempt to remove mine as Armin starts laughing at my awkwardness.

“SHhhhh, Not funny!” I say with a grin.

I fall back on him and the only barrier between us is our underwear. I’m tempted to remove them, his and mine, but suddenly I’m the one who’s nervous. _Confidence isn’t much of a problem for me and I mean… I am well equipped too. You know what they say about horses. Might as well use that nickname to my advantage. What if I compare myself after that though?_ Armin starts removing his underwear on his own and I keep thinking about the whole thing. _Pfff. Let’s be real, Armin is almost the size of a 7year old, it couldn’t be… HOLY SHIT, OKAY! Okay._

He tugs on my underwear now so I take them off quickly and press myself against him so that he doesn’t have time to look. _How in hell can he be like that with this height? I mean, it’s comparable to mine and I’m almost twice as tall._

“What’s wrong?” Armin asks, suddenly worried.

I must have let it show on my face.

“Nothing, I’m just…nervous.” I say truthfully. _Because I am._

He puts one hand in his hair and fidgets nervously.

“So…how…hum…?”  
“Oh…hum. I’m not sure.” 

We’re both blushing so hard that it kind of breaks the momentum for both of us. I pull away and sit back where I was. Armin sits beside me. I pull the covers up.

“Well.” I mutter. “This didn’t turn out exactly like planned.”  
“Was anything even planned?” Armin laughs.

*knock knock*

***********************

(Eren POV)

“Levi, what the hell, not here!”  
“Well then, let’s head back to my room.” He says while tugging my ear with his teeth.  
“How? You ripped off my shirt!”

He grabs my wrist, gets up and starts walking, pulling me forward with him.

“Quit your whining or I’ll make you shut up.”  
“What happened to being gentle?” I ask.  
“Tch.”

I shake my head and smirk as we cross the door. We walk hand in hand and I’m feeling great. It’s the first time that we can be ourselves openly and it’s a wonderful feeling. Hanji comes out of a room on the left and sees us. She walks past us, sporting a huge grin to which Levi replies with:

“He lost his shirt.”  
_Damn right I did._  
“YEAH, RIGHT.” Hanji smirks and waves at us nonchalantly.

I can’t help but laugh. Even Levi’s shoulders move up and down. He’s laughing silently.

We finally reach the door to his room and make our way in. Once we’re inside, Levi tosses his jacket on the desk and then slowly comes back to me.

“So…? Did you miss me?” He asks, his grey eyes looking straight into mine.  
“Isn’t it obvious?”  
“I’d still like to hear you say it.” He says as he pushes me gently against the wall.

My breath is shaky. It’s been a while since we were able to be so close.

“I missed you. All of you.” I whisper in his ear.

I put my hands on his back and let them glide down. He grins as I pick him up and wrap his legs around my waist. I turn around and push him on the wall, making sure he can feel the buldge in my pants against his growing erection. He groans.

“How about you, did you miss me?” I say as I thrust my hips forward again.  
“Mmhm.”  
“Say it!” I order.

He brings his mouth close to my ear.

“I missed you, shitty Brat!”

He bites my earlobe really hard.

“OUCH! What the hell?”

He smirks at me and playfully moves his tongue along his teeth.

“Again, what happened to being gentle?” I ask.

“Tch. I couldn’t care less right now. Would you fucking stop talking already?”

He grabs my neck and pulls me in for a kiss. I push my hips against his and I decide we’ve played long enough. I’ve had 5 weeks of pure solo boredom and my body craves his. I do plan on being careful though, I wouldn’t want him to get hurt right away. I have plans for the next few days. I start walking backwards until the back of my legs reaches the bed. I let myself fall on it as I hold Levi’s hips. He falls sitting on my lap and winces as the shock hits him. I sit up straight and we bang our heads together.

“Ow!” I mutter. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

He cuts me off with a kiss after rubbing his hand on his scar to be sure everything is alright. I’m not alright though. I don’t think he’s as ready as he pretended to be.

“Levi, wait.”  
“Shut up!” He says as he grabs my jaw and holds it tight, glaring angrily at me. “We haven’t fucked in over a month and I swear to god, if you open your mouth again, I’ll gag you with my cravat.”

My eyes widen. I’m too scared to say something else. But after giving it a second thought. I decide to use that to my advantage. I raise myself on my elbows as he is still sitting on me. I gesture to him with my index, to come closer. He does.

“Try me!” I whisper.

A huge grin appears on his face as he removes the cravat from around his neck and brings it close to my mouth, right before grabbing both of my wrists and attaching them together above my head.

“I want to hear you say my name over and over and over and over again.” He says.

I swear, if my pants weren’t already unzipped, I would’ve probably destroyed them. I move my hips up and down, without saying a word. He wants to hear me say his name? He’ll have to work for it then. He smiles as he pulls my pants off. He removes his and then his shirt. I gasp when I see the scar. I wish he never had to endure all this.

He shakes his head and taps my forehead.

“Too much thinking here, Brat. Focus.”

He moves my chin down so that I’m forced to look at his abs…or at the oh so familiar tent shape that formed in his underwear. I know what to do. I wait until he looks at my face and bite my lower lip. He does the same before rushing to pull off my underwear and his.

“You. I fucking love you.” He says as he climbs back on top of me and kisses every inch of my body.

I can’t help but moan since I’m not allowed to talk unless it’s to say his name. At least that’s what I’ve decided to do from his contradicting orders. He moves further south and a shooting feeling of pleasure rises in me. I arch myself, biting my lip even harder to make sure no words escape me. _Oh gosh he is so good at this. Just the right amount of lip pressure, just the right amount of tongue, just deep enough. I… I can’t._

“Hei…chou!” I murmur with a shaky breath.

He abruptly stops and my gaze falls to him, wondering if something happened.

“That’s not my name, Eren.” He murmurs as a smirk creeps up on my face.  
“But I like calling you that and you know it.”

He glares at me and bites my inner tigh.

“OW! LEVI! As much as I like you toying with me, I’m not a toy. If you keep this up, I’ll have to stop you.”

He scoffs and slowly climbs back up to my ear.

“I’d like to see you try.” He whispers, using my own words against me.

He tries to pull back but it’s too late because my already secured wrists are now around him and he can’t move. I roll on top of him, making sure I don’t hit his ribs with my knees. At the same time, I pull my arms away from him and put my wrists on view.

“Untie me.” I order as I’m sitting on his lap.

“Tch.” He says as he crosses his arms behind his head. “This is way too pleasurable. You’re keeping this on until the end.”  
“Oh, am I? Fine then.”

I place my arms behind his neck and roughly pull him up in a sitting position. I press my lips against his and I feel his dick twitch under me.

“Take them off.” I whisper.

“I took off your underwear, how about you take off mine.” He suggests playfully.

I smirk. _He wants me to work hard for this. Wasn’t it supposed to be the opposite? Fine. I’ll stop talking now. I’ll make it hard for him too._

I get off of him and kneel between his legs. I bend down and pull his underwear off with my teeth. _You’d think this would look awkward but I actually got it pretty well. I’d even dare to call myself hot in that very moment._ Levi’s eyes flicker with excitement. When I’m done, I move back up and bite his inner thigh.

“Such a need for vengeance. You’ll never change, Eren.”

I shake my head, because _no, I won’t_.

I move my tongue from his thigh to his dick and then back up to his face. He raises an eyebrow. _No, that’s not gonna happen Levi. You want me to beg for it, I’ll make you beg for it too._ He pushes my shoulders back down and I glare at him angrily.

“I see.” He mutters, turning his face away from me, feigning boredom.

I rub his abs with my two attached hands as I sit on him again. My skin against his skin, there is no way that he won’t do something about it.

His head slowly turns back to me and I can see the emotions through his eyes. Envy, pleasure, lust… I can see it all. Suddenly he grabs my wrists and throws me beside him on the bed. I giggle as I fall heavily on my back as he is already on top of me. He pulls out, from under the bed sheets, the modified cream that Hanji is now supplying for us in huge quantities. _That pervert._ He puts some on his fingers and slides one in. Then two. Then three. I bite my lip, finding it harder by the second not to say a word.

“What is it Eren, you’re giving me the silent treatment?” He asks with a smirk before continuing.  
“Fine. You know I’ll make you say my name whether you want it or not.”

He removes his fingers and then moves closer to me. He slides himself in slowly and then moves in an angle, which he knows very well for giving me intense shooting burst of pleasure. I arch myself as I feel something build up in me. I taste blood in my mouth. I’m gonna have to stop biting my lip if I don’t want to turn by accident. I moan but keep my mouth closed as Levi’s thrusts go faster and then slower and then faster. He’s alternating to try and make me scream and he knows very well that it’s working. He pauses and starts again several times. I lost track of how much time this goes on for, but I know this torture seems like it is never-ending. My whole body is shaking and I can barely control myself anymore. After a while of looking at me trying to hold it in, he grins and brings his head down so that he’s laying on me.

“Scream for me.” He whispers. “I won’t come unless you scream my name.”

I look down directly in his eyes and I can’t hold it anymore. _I’ll scream, I’ll do anything this men wants from me. I’ll even die for him if he asks._ I decide to finally let go. _He can win all day if he wants._

“LEVIIIIIIIII!” I scream as I let myself get dizzy from the bliss that fills my all.

He groans and thrusts deeper and faster a couple of times until he gasps, unable to breathe from the satisfaction he’s getting. Eventually, after a couple of slower thrusts, his head falls on my chest and we both lay there lazily.

“I won.” He mutters without moving.  
“This battle, but not the war.”

He cocks his head up at me, smirks and rolls beside me. He tangles his leg around mine and nestles his head on my shoulder as he grabs my waist possessively. I smile with contentment and slowly drift away.

***********************

(Jean POV)

I turn to Armin, totally panicking. He calmly raises a finger to his lips.

“Jaeger, this isn’t only your room, god dammit!” Connie yells through the door as he tries to open it again.

 _Thank god Armin had put the lock on when he came in earlier. Which makes me wonder if he really wasn’t planning anything._ I grin as Armin frowns at me quizzically. I shake my head.

“…but my potatoes…” Sasha whines from the other side.

“We’ll come back later, come on.” Connie says.

As soon as we can’t hear them anymore, we burst out laughing. Armin moves closer to me and his eyes meet mine. _  
Oh it’s on._ I grab his hips once more and place him on my lap. He blushes and my heart pounds in my chest. _What if I hurt him? No…no I can’t think about this._

“You…hum…should…place it?” I suggest.

Suddenly he starts laughing.

“Ok, let’s stop being awkward, we can do this.” He says.

I nod with a smile while he grabs my lenght with his surprisingly strong hands.

“Let me do it.” He adds as I let him guide me to his entrance.

I nod once more as he moves down a little. I can feel warmth but I don’t feel much of anything else. I can see that his eyes are shining with tears and I don’t want that. _If it hurts, I don’t want to do it to him._

“Armin, no. I don’t want to hurt you.”  
“But…but…we can! I’m fine.” He says as a tear travels down his cheek.  
“No Armin, we have plenty of time.” I say, trying to reassure him.  
“That’s also what you thought about Marco.”

I feel a painful sting in my heart as he mentions this. He freezes. He knows he hit me hard with that last comment. He pulls away from me and tries to say something but nothing comes out. _I would like to say that it’s okay, that I forgive him for saying that. That I understand why he said it, why he wants to do it no matter how painful, but I know there must be a better way. We are both inexperienced and we are, going to need help it seems._ My throat is dry and the lump won’t go away. My lack of speech is enough for Armin to run away. I watch him get dressed and I can’t find the strength to go after him. I place my face in my hands and cry. Not from this, but from everything I’ve been keeping inside. _Why does everything always turn out so shitty for me. It just seems like it can’t be any other way. Or perhaps, I could use some help. Maybe… just maybe, someone could help me to understand what I have to do and how I’m supposed to feel. Right now all I feel is broken. Everyone, everything, always slips away from me._

***********************

(Eren POV)

I wake up about 10 minutes later. Levi is gone, he’s in the shower. Instead of joining him, I decide to quickly clean myself up, get my pants on, leave him a quick note and walk back to my room to grab a shirt. When I open the door to our huge dorm, I see Jean sitting on his bed with his shirt half unbuttoned and his hair all messed up. I’m tempted to make a snarky comment but I see him trying to hide the fact that he’s wiping tears off his face. I frown, wondering what that’s about. _Probably that whole thing with Armin again._ I walk passed his bed and turn to mine. I look under it, in the closed box that contains the little belongings I have. I grab another shirt, identical to the other one. I have three. _I HAD three._ I smirk and shake my head, recalling everything I’ve been doing earlier today.

I jump when I feel a hand on my shoulder. It’s Jean and he is…crying.

***********************

(Levi POV)

I come out of the shower and see that Eren is gone. I notice a piece of paper on the desk and walk closer to read it.

_“Be back later, love you!”_

_I kind of expected him to go check on Armin so I guess that’s fine._ I quickly dry my hair with the towel and then comb it in two neatly separated parts. I walk out to my closet as I wipe the tiny droplets that fall from my hair strands.

Suddenly the door creaks opens and I quickly take the towel away from around my neck and cover my hips with it just in time to see Armin walk in.

“BRAT, have you ever heard of fucking knocking?”

I grab his wrist and roughly push him back to the door but then I notice tears streaming down his face. I let go of his wrist and turn back around to pick my clothes from the hangers.

“Sit down. I’ll be right back.”

As I’m buttoning my shirt in the bathroom, I hear him sobbing and now I don’t know what to do. I’m not good to deal with my emotions, even less with Eren’s and even less with somebody else’s. _Why me? Fuck._ I look for my cravat and then remember it’s probably still on the bed, wrinkled. I smile and then put my serious face back on as I walk out of the bathroom towards one of the drawers that contains other neatly folded white cravats and one black one for special occasions or funerals. I wrap the new white one around my neck and carefully adjust it. Then I sit beside Armin, trying not to be concerned by the unmade bed that looks atrocious.

“So…” I mutter.  
“I’m sorry to bother you. I… I needed someone to talk to and I couldn’t find Eren.” He stutters.

I frown.

“I thought he was going to meet you.”

Then I remembered. _He probably needed a shirt for that._

“No. At least he wasn’t there when I left.”  
“Oh you must have just missed him then.” I say, innocently.

He brings his head down, looking at his feet.

“I honestly would rather talk to you about it.”

I nod. Suddenly very curious.

“I see. Enlighten me then.”

He fidgets with the bottom of his shirt.

“Well…you remember how you told me to “try it”…”

My eyes shoot up at his. _Shit. I can already tell that I’m going to get enough information out of this to have nightmares._

“Oh! So how did that turn out?” I ask as I can hear the lump in his throat as he speaks the one word.  
“Bad…”

_Emotions. God dammit, why did he have to come talk to me of all people. Tch._

“Ok, Armin. Don’t be cryptic. Spill it out, I don’t have all day.” I say.  
“Fine…I…We tried…”

I raise my hand.

“Wait, who…you and Jean? Or you and Mikasa?” I ask.

“JEAN!” He giggles as if it was evident. 

_How would I have known you fucking idiotic shithead?_

I smile and ask him to continue.

“Well…He wanted to… which was great. But then, when he saw that it hurt me, he didn’t want to anymore. Even if I said it was normal.”  
“Wait…What? You didn’t waste any time, did you?” I smirk. “How…much…did it hurt? Were you guys “prepared”?”

He frowns at me quizzically.

“Prepared?” He asks.

I facepalm him, even though I remember Eren and I’s first time being awkward too. _It’s not like you know how instinctively. Still, they didn’t try anything? It’s simple logic after all. Come one._

“Are you kidding me, idiot?” I say, incredulously.

“You tried without putting anything there first? Nothing to lubricate, no fingers, no nothing?” I add.

He blushes and avoids my gaze.

“I…didn’t know.” He mutters shyly.  
“And I thought you were the most brilliant of our soldiers after Erwin. What a revelation.”

He frowns.

“Hey asshole, excuse me if I wasn’t concerned with logic at that very moment where I was actually ripping a guy’s clothes off for the first time. Also, don’t call me Brat. I keep imagining you and Eren fucking when you say that and that’s an unpleasant thought. It’s his name, not mine.”

I burst out laughing and get up to pour some water in a glass for Armin. On my way I mess up his hair and he shoves my hand away.

“Be serious.” He says.

I hand him the glass and he drinks it all before continuing.

“How am I gonna be able to look at him in the eye after what I said.”

I sigh. _I’m not a mind reader you know?_

“Now…I don’t know what you said to him, nor do I want to know. But, it seems clear that you like him and that it’s mutual so it will be fine. Go talk to him and you’ll see. Explain yourself.”

I decide to get up, forcing him to follow my lead.

“Actually I’ll go with you, I have to talk to Eren elsewhere and he might still be there.”

_…If he showered. He better have. Shitty Brat._

Armin nods and we get up at the same time. I follow him to their room.

***********************  
(Eren POV)

“Sit down.” I say, still holding my shirt in my hands.

Jean sits and I sit beside him.

“What happened?” I ask.  
“What else? I fucked up. As usual…”

I look at him. Usually confident, Jean is now all the opposite. He looks miserable.

“I’m willing to listen, Jean, but you need to tell me what’s going on.”

His gaze meets mine and his is full of tears. He looks back down at his hands.

“Did…you know…? About Marco and me?”

I blink a couple of times, shocked.

“Wow! You mean…?”

He nods. Suddenly, I feel bad for all the times I was being an ass to him as he was trying to cope with the death of a loved one.

“Gosh Jean, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were having a hard time because of…”  
“No.” He cuts me off and pauses before continuing.  
“It’s not because of that but yes I did have difficulties facing all this. It’s just hard because I never had the chance.”

I nod, not knowing what else to say.

“Armin hates me now.” He announces.

I laugh.

“Armin. Hates you? Please. Armin likes everyone. He’s the nicest person around. Why would he…”

My brain shifts gears and suddenly I understand. Armin surely talked to Jean. About what he mentioned this morning.

“I’m sure he’ll get over it. He’ll understand that you are still healing.” I say as I assume he rejected my friend.  
“No you dumbass, you don’t understand!”  
“THEN TELL ME AND STOP YELLING FUCKING IDIOT!” I shout.

I punch his shoulder and he balances himself nonchalantly.

“I mean he did a move on me and at first I wasn’t sure but… I kind of like him.”  
“Kind of?” I ask.  
“Fine. I like him. But…I screwed up and he screwed up and… Gahhh… How do you and Levi…”  
“Jean, are you seriously asking me for relationship advice?”  
“No, shirtless wonder, I’m asking you for sex advice.” He says bluntly.

My eyes widen and I bring my gaze down to the floor in front of me, which had never seemed so interesting before. _He didn’t reject Armin. It was even wild enough that they tried having sex right away._ The thought almost makes me gag.

“Oh…” I mutter.  
“Well?” He asks.  
“I…Well…we use a cream that Hanji gave to us. We figured it out on our own too and yes that part was awkward.”

He laughs.

“Too much information, Eren. And…Thanks.”  
“You can talk… I have those images of you and Armin burned in my head now.” I say. “That’s all you wanted? Sex advice?”

Now I’m the one laughing.

“Shut up.”

He hits my shoulder with his. Then he turns to me again.

“Can I ask you something else?”  
“Sure, at this point, it can’t be worse.” I scoff.  
“Don’t be an ass. I was gonna ask if you can tell me…if I suck at this whole thing. Maybe tell me what I’m doing wrong? If that’s why Armin ran from me.”

 _Oh yes it’s much much worse. They tried…and now he wants to know what went wrong._ I get up and turn to him.

“Oh my god Jean, I won’t have sex with you, what the fuck? Are you out of your mind?”

He grabs my wrist and pulls me back beside him.

“Sit down, retard, I only meant a kiss.”  
“Please, Horseface. Tell me you’re kidding me.”

He blushes.

“You are not?” I ask. “WHY??? And why me?”

“The reason as to “why you” is obvious. I couldn’t ask that from Levi, he’d punch me to death. And well…you are the only two guys I know who…You know. I just want to know if Armin ran because of what he told me or because I wasn’t good enough.”

“What did he say?” I ask.  
“Nevermind. You’re gonna help me or not?”  
“No.”  
“Please, Eren, just a quick one to see how you do it.”  
“I said No.”

I put my shirt on to try and end this conversation. Instead, he uses this distraction and leans in to kiss me as my head slides through the hole of the shirt. I pull away but it’s too late. Levi and Armin are standing in the doorframe. Armin’s eyes fill with tears and he walks away.

“You have to be fucking kidding me…” Levi says before following Armin, angrier than I had ever seen him.¸

I get up to run after Levi but I pause before going and turn to Jean.

“I hope you’re happy!” I shout at him. “If you ruined my relationship, I’ll kill you with my bare hands. ALSO, just so you know, I licked Levi’s dick just over an hour ago.”


	18. The exit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) I am sorry for all the feels in this and make sure you read the author note at the end, it's important. Again alot of POV changes but that's because lots of it happens at the same time.

(Eren POV)

I rush to his room and arrive just a second too late as he slams the door to my face. I knock, gently, as if it were an attempt at a shy apology.

“Levi!”

No answer.

“LEVI! PLEASE!! I swear it’s not what you think. Let me in, let me explain.”

No answer. Tears stream down my face and make a continuous path down to my chin. There’s a lump in my throat. _Did I really just lost everything?_ I let my hand glide down to the door handle. It’s locked.

“Levi.” I mutter. “Please, let me in.”

No answer. A burst of anger suddenly fills me. _It didn’t even take more than that for him to second guess how much I love him, how much I care. Was I living in a lie the whole time? Did he actually think this was bound to happen? That I would leave him for some other guy and nonetheless that fucking horse face? He had to know I’d never do that to him. He had to, there was no one else. He was it. He’s all I ever wanted and now it’s all gone. But I will fight, I will fight for him. He has to at least hear me out._

“LEVI! DO YOU TRUST ME SO LITTLE? Really? Let me in or I’ll come in, I swear.”

The hurt in my tone was more than obvious. Still, no answer. _Fine._ I attempt to break the door handle but it’s resisting me. I step back and give a really strong kick right above it. The door cracks and I see light on the other side. I roughly bang my shoulder against the door and it opens. I walk in, determined to say what I have to say but then I stop myself as I see Levi sitting on his bed. His back twitching from trying to hold in so many feelings. My heart sinks in my chest. _I did this to him. No. Jean did this to him. He selfishly ruined it all and there’s nothing I can do about it. I know he won’t even give me a chance to talk._ I see now, another person than the one I fell in love with. I see someone who is broken into pieces and slowly shattering into an emotionless black hole. I take a step towards him and his face slightly turns to me. I can only partially see his face, but I have never seen him so angry. Never. His jaw seems to clench even more than it already is. Suddenly I’m a bit worried. Not only about my own safety but about his too. _What if he hurts himself now?_ He abruptly gets up and quickly walks towards me while looking at the floor. I take a step back and hit the wall. He reaches me, grabs my neck and pulls me up. My feet don’t touch the ground anymore and I’m suffocating.

“L..Le…Levi…”  
“How. Dare. YOU?”

His eyes shoot up at me and they only contain one emotion this time. Hatred. I feel myself getting dizzy from the lack of oxygene but also from seeing how hurt he is. How this is over even though it couldn’t possibly be, not yet, not ever. He presses his hand even harder into my neck, clawing his nails in my skin.

“HOW DARE YOU COME HERE and talk to me?”

“I…”  
“SHUT UP!” He orders and I know that in that very moment, my only option is to listen. “You made me weak, you changed me. I was blind, I was an idiot. I TRUSTED YOU! I…FUCKING LOVED YOU EREN!”

He angrily wipes the tears that falls on his cheeks before letting me go. I glide down to the floor, holding my neck. My throat is on fire and I see black dots everywhere. It’s like they are surrounding the blurry image of Levi walking away from me.

“Get the fuck out of here. And from now on, it’s Captain to you. You hear me little shit?”

I stay there, unable to say the words that I wish I would say. _I just feel like nothing could excuse or explain what just happened even though I technically did nothing wrong. It wasn’t my fault. I never would’ve done that to him, even though he is so eager to believe that I would have eventually._

“I said GET OUT!" He shouts as he sits back on his bed.

I feel like my heart has been ripped off my chest once again. It’s even worse than when I thought he died, because back then he loved me. Now he’s alive, he’s well. _He hates me. And one day…he’ll get over it and find someone else. It won’t be me. We…we are over. I… I need to find Armin… No… not Armin because Jean will be there. I need to find Mikasa._

I get up, still a little dizzy, and make my way to the door frame. I glance one last time at Levi. I feel a sharp pain when I see that he’s not looking at me walking away from what we had. Not willingly of course, I wanted to pick up the pieces, to explain, but he wouldn’t let me and I kind of expected it to be honest. When it came to Levi, betrayal wasn’t something he tolerated so well. _But who would? I know how this looks like, I just wish I had a chance to tell the truth._ Unfortunately I was choked before I could. He isn’t looking nor trying to tell me not to leave and it hurts. It hurts so much, so deep into my soul. It’s a carved pain in my chest that will never leave. I step out and look on both sides of the corridor. _Where… I have no idea where to go._

***********

(Jean POV)

“ARMIN! Wait!” I yell as I try to reach him.

He stops and turns around abruptly. Not saying a word but staring straight into my eyes. He seems numb. He looks like someone who’s helped others too many times and pushed his own feelings aside for too long. Until he finally trusted someone enough, until he showed them to me. _And what did I do? I almost screwed it all up._ I grab his shoulders and he doesn’t move.

“Armin, I swear it’s not what you think. Please, let me explain and then you can hate me after. Please, I’m begging you.”

He hesitates for a bit but then shrugs as he closes his eyes, clearly trying to keep more tears from coming. He slowly removes my hands from his shoulders and walks away. _I assume that I should be following him or as he simply given up on me already?_ I choose the first option, unable to accept that the second one could be true.

A short while after, we reach the library, where barely anyone but him goes. As expected, no one’s there. He sits on one of the red leather chairs. I sit on the other one, facing him. The distance between us annoys me. I get up to bring it a bit closer and sit back. He looks at the book he just grabbed from the table as if it was the most interesting thing he ever held in his hands.

“Armin…”

His eyes lingers on the cover again as he opens it and slips the first couple of pages, ignoring me. Well then if he’s not going to answer me, I guess I should probably go on with my explanations.

“That…comment…you made… It hurt me deeply.” I admit.

I raise my hands towards the angry glare that he just shot me. I know very well that I hurt him more than words could. Then, when he brings his attention back to the book, I continue.

“AND I understand why you said it. I forgave you instantly for that, but it still made me feel bad and I didn’t know what to do or what to think. Did you say that because you were trying to find a way out? Because you weren’t sure you wanted this anymore? I started questioning myself. Was I even good at this? I mean…I barely ever kissed a girl, so a guy… I thought you might have realized you wanted someone who had more experience or…would be less nervous. I don’t know. Honestly. I just felt like nothing could explain how this ended except the fact that I sucked at it. You wouldn’t have run from me just for saying what you said, I was sure of it. But now… I’m wondering.”

He looks at me intently. Waiting for me to continue He already seems a bit less tense and the book is no longer holding his attention.

“I was crying and felt completely lost. Then Eren walked in and I thought… “Oh, he must know! After all, him and Levi have been together for a while, maybe he could give me tips and Armin is his best friend”. Then again, it was Eren so I wasn’t sure I’d ask him…but he did see me cry and looked awkward after, so I thought it was the perfect time to ask. And so what if I looked like a moron for it? I felt guilty for how it ended and needed to find a way to get you back, to make it up to you. Because you made me realize that I always liked you and then when you ran away, I realized that I wasn’t ready to let you go. I got up and then I asked him for advices and he laughed at me but in the end he chose to help me. So, towards the end of our conversation, I don’t know what went through my mind, but I asked him to kiss me because I wanted to see if I was doing something wrong, or perhaps learn how HE does it…because you know how hot they look when they kiss. Don’t try denying that you stared at them just like I did. And that with full blown jealousy!”

Armin smirks and then goes back to being serious.

“Eren said no. He refused several times. Then, while he was distracted, I leaned in and kissed him. That’s when you guys arrived. And I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for losing you and I’m so sorry for them. I hope they are alright. I…couldn’t forgive myself…” I trail off.

Because I will never be able to live with myself if I destroyed something so perfect as them together. _I mean, I hate Eren and it’s mutual but for some reason I think it’s because we are so similar._ I can only imagine how he felt, all by my fault and my heart bangs heavily in my chest for all the sorrow. _I’m a terrible person, I always was and somehow I managed to lose someone I barely even realized that I liked. I lost everything before it even had a chance to start, TWICE. And I ruined a relationship that I was jealous of. So jealous of. The guilt is unbearable._ Tears fall down my cheeks and I bring my face down in my hands, looking at the ground. Then, I feel a hand on my neck.

“Is this all true? You swear that it’s true?” Armin asks.

I lift my head a little to look at his face. A tiny smile threatens to show on his lips and his eyes glisten with hope, but I know he’s waiting for an answer.

“I swear on my life, it is.”

It doesn’t take longer for Armin to kneel in front of me and grab my waist to hold me tight. I sit up straight and raise my hands, surprised. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. _Does this mean we’re okay?_

“I’m sorry for what I said.” He mutters.

I bring my arms down and around him, unable to describe the sensation that beats in my chest and stomach. Hope is what comes to my mind. After a moment, he pulls away and quickly presses his lips against mine. I let out a sigh of relief as the same feeling as before fills me. Nothing feels awkward, thankfully.

************************

(Levi POV)

 _I can’t believe he would do that to me. How could he?_ My brain is trying to wrap itself around a reason that could’ve brought him to do that but I can’t find any. _I always thought he’d en up leaving me, but I never thought it would be so soon. I’m damaged, I’m an asshole. I know all of this, but I kind of selfishly and naively thought that I had deserved a brief moment of happiness after 34 years of leading a more than shitty life. I had hoped he’d be my wings. Tch. What did I do to him? Wasn’t I enough? I guess he needed more or couldn’t handle my attitude. I tried, so many times, to change who I am. To be sociable, to be a good soldier, to be a good man. For some reason I always end up alone. Each and every time, I end up alone. People die, people leave me. I’m worthless._

I curl down on the bed but get right back up as Eren’s sent still lingers on the bed and fills my nose, making me even angrier. Tears threaten to fall down and I’m so done with keeping them inside. I let them out. _I feel like my soul has been broken into pieces and is now gliding down my cheeks one piece at a time._ My heart physically hurts from the pain. So much that I can’t help but try and hit my chest to make it stop. _It won’t. It’ll never stop. It all meant nothing to him, otherwise he wouldn’t have thrown it away so easily. Why am I even bothering with trying to stay alive if I end up alone either way. I’m so done. I don’t want to fight anymore. I don’t want to think anymore. I want to be free, I want to just breathe the freedom that everyone is searching for these days. I don’t want to be caged and I don’t want to be carrying such responsibilities on my shoulders. I’m tired of people counting on me. I’m tired of never getting anything back. I’m just tired._

*Knock knock*

I rush to what’s left of the door and “open” it.

“I said get the fuck away from me!” I shout before realizing that it’s Erwin, not Eren.

I bring my head down, trying to hide the fact that I was just crying. _Levi Ackerman doesn’t cry. Levi Ackerman doesn’t have time for feelings._

“Oh…” I mutter. “Sorry.”  
“Can I come in?” He asks.  
“Sure…” I say as I move aside to let him pass.

As I attempt to close the door, I notice the tip of a red scarf just around the corner in the corridor. _What is she doing standing there? Probably savoring every second of me getting dumped by her dream boyfriend._ I’m tempted to go see her but I’m done fighting for him. Instead, I turn back my attention to Erwin who is now leaning against my desk with folded arms.

“Wanna talk about it?” He asks.

I shake my head and go back to sit on the bed at the exact same spot I was before. Erwin walks closer and sits beside me. He pats my back.

“It will be okay Levi. You will figure things out.”

I shake my head.

“I don’t want to.” I mutter, surprised by how this statement feels like the right thing to say.

Erwin’s eyebrows shoot up and I can’t help but smirk. _Shitty eyebrows._

“You heard right.” I repeat. “I’m not fighting anymore. I’m done with that. I’m tired of this façade. I thought I had found my happiness, but it was just a bunch of lies.”

Erwin puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me closer to him in a friendly manner. He brushes his hand up and down my arm. _He’s always been there for me, he is a great friend. The greatest of them. He believed in me even when I stopped believing in my own self. Once in the past and again today. He’s my rock. For some reason, as much as I always ended up saving Eren’s ass, the one who always ended up saving me in the end was Erwin._ I pull away and look at him in the eyes. _He cares for me. He always has. I know that what I’m about to do is stupid and that I’ll probably regret it later, but right this very moment I couldn’t care less and truthfully, I needed the distraction._ I lean in and press my lips against his. At first he’s surprised but then his eyes slowly closes and he returns my kiss. I climb on his lap and it doesn’t take longer for me to feel that he is aroused. I honestly am too. My eyes are closed and all I see are flashbacks of Eren under me. Tears fall down my cheeks and Erwin pulls away.

“Are you oka…”

I cut him off with another kiss.

“Don’t mind the tears.” I mutter.

I push him on his back and he lets me undress him and myself. He grins and loses control as he rolls on top of me and flips me around roughly. I moan, suddenly making no distinction between my feelings. I look at the pillows as Erwin slams into me. In my head it’s Eren. Even his smell lingers on the pillows and makes me numb. I let myself go and follow the rhythm of whatever runs through my mind, souvenirs, memories, pleasure, smiles, love… And… Green eyes.

**************  
(Eren POV)

I’m in the kitchen, alone, drinking tea. _The tea that Levi likes so much. The one that tastes like his mouth. The one that smells like him._ I bang my fist on the table angrily and grab my face as unwelcome tears and heavy sobs come out. I jump when a hand touches my shoulder. I turn around and see Mikasa. I didn’t hear her come in.

“If you’re here to tell me how sad you are about us breaking up, please go away because I know you mean none of it.” I say, my voice as sharp as a knife.  
“I’m not.” She answers straight forwardly.  
“Then what do you want?” I ask as I turn back around to stare at my tea.

She sits beside me, sideways on the chair. She grabs my knees and forces me to sit the same way on mine, facing her. I keep my gaze locked on my tea because I don’t want her to see me cry.

“I just wanted you to know that I’m here for you. I’ll always be.”  
“Course you are…” I scoff.  
“I mean it Eren. In fact, I think you should go see Levi right now. I’m sure if you explain yourself again, he’ll have no other choice but to listen. Try and try and try. If that’s what you want you shouldn’t let go of him. Someone told me in the past that I had to fight. That’s what I’m telling you now, fight!”

I stare at her, not knowing what to say or what’s gotten into her. _Since when does she want me with Levi? But she is right, I should fight for him, I should try harder. But what if he is the same Levi as this morning? The one that hates me._ My gaze falls to the floor.

“What is it Eren?”  
“Just…he…tried to…”  
“Yes?” She asks.  
“He hated me this morning. Nothing could change that anymore.” I say, deciding to leave the choking part aside. She already hated the men enough.  
“I’m sure he’ll listen. I’ll make him. Let’s go. She says as she grab my arm to make me stand up.”

She is strong so obviously I have no other choice than to cooperate. I’m scared of what he’ll say but I’m pretty sure Mikasa will, indeed, make him listen. They are the perfect match of strength so he can’t do anything to her. Plus she is taller. _He better not find out I’m thinking that though._ I follow her in the corridor as we make our way to Levi’s room.

****************  
(Jean POV)

“We should go see Levi and try to explain what happened.” Armin says.  
“What?” I scream. “He’ll kill me! I won’t even have a chance to open my mouth and I’ll be on the floor ripped in half.”  
I feel the pain in my chest as the words come out of my mouth. _I didn’t realize._ Armin pats my back, trying to make me forget I just said something so stupid.  
“It’ll be fine. We have to. It’s unfair for Eren and they can’t break up over something so stupid, we have to do something.”  
“Fine…I hope you enjoyed your few moments with me then…” I mutter.

He punches my arm before lacing his fingers with mine to pull me in the corridor.

As we reach the door of Levi’s room. We see that it is broken in half and barely holding in place. Strange noises come from inside the room and I couldn’t say what they are. Armin knocks on the doorframe, too scared to break the door even more than it already is. There’s no answer so I decide to push the door open and my jaw drops as I see where the noises came from and what they were. I glance at Armin who’s teeth are clenched together and he glares at Erwin and Levi angrily. He walks in as the two naked guys fall back on the bed and cover themselves up with the bed sheets. I follow him, my jaw still hanging open. _I can’t believe this. What an ass? Suddenly I feel protective over the brown-haired boy that I knew would be knocked down when he found out about this._ Neither can Armin. He shouts:

“LEVI! WHAT THE FUCK? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”

The anger in his tone was unmistakable. I had never seen Armin genuinely angry before. It was scary, to say the least.

“Oi! I have nothing to explain to you, Brat!” Levi said.  
“NO, you don’t but you’ll have to explain yourself to Eren. Eren who is madly in love with you and didn’t do anything wrong.”  
“Tch.” Levi scoffs. “You know nothing. Get the fuck out of here.”  
“Laugh all you want, I was just coming here to force you to listen to the whole story on what happened.” Armin says as Levi’s curiosity seems to raise a level. 

I guess the only reason for that is that I am with Armin right now and therefore, he doesn’t understand why Armin isn’t excessively angry with me just like he is with Eren.

“Just so you know, Jean asked Eren for help to figure out why I ran away from him. Because he thought he was doing something wrong.” Armin adds.

I nod in confirmation. Levi sighs, exasperated. This apparently isn’t enough of an explanation but Armin cuts him off before he has a chance to speak again.

“And then, he asked Eren for advices. The dumb horse even went as far as asking Eren for kissing lessons to make me fall for him the same way you both fall for each other. But Eren refused. He refused several times and Jean used the split second of distraction that Eren had to lean down and kiss him. To see how it feels to kiss a guy, someone who has experience. Someone who loves and is loved. He wanted us to have the same thing you guys had. Eren did nothing wrong. Eren refused to kiss him.”

I nod and stare at the floor, too shy to look at Levi and Erwin in the eye.

“What…have I done?” Levi says to himself.

I look back to Levi and his face is so pale that I’m under the impression that he could faint any second now. He turns to Erwin.

“You, let me do that. You used me.” He says in an accusatory tone.  
“Excuse me?” Erwin says. “You initiated it.”  
“But I wasn’t myself!” Levi says.  
“I thought you were. How would I know?”  
“And the tears?” He asks.  
“Levi, I always loved you, how is it so hard to understand that if you’d give me such an opportunity, I wouldn’t turn it down.”

At this moment, I felt as if I’d punch the men. _Ok he might not have used Levi and it seemed to be the other way around. Also, I’m not one to judge on mistakes. BUT, definitely, Erwin used the situation to his advantages and if I had to pick a side, I’d pick Levi’s even though I hate the midget for punching me one too many times._

“But you knew that I didn’t love you back and did that anyways.” Levi says, desperately searching a way out of this.  
“Don’t you dare put the blame on me, Levi! You are angry because you screwed up. You are angry because YOU are the one who ruined your relationship in the end. I’m pretty sure YOU used me, actually. I don’t see what else you’re good for, anyways. That’s all you do, hurt people, kill people, destroy everything.”

“That asshole” I mutter, unaware that I am speaking those words out loud. Armin elbows me and I instantly shut up.

Levi’s jaw drops open. He can’t find any words anymore. And I understand… _The blonde was cruel, beyond inhuman._

Suddenly, Armin’s blood drains from his face as his head turns to the door frame.

“WHAT THE FUCK?” Eren shouts as he stares, astounded, at Levi.  
“Eren!” Levi screams. “WAIT! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to.”

He gets up, wrapped in one of the bed sheets and gathers is clothes as he keeps staring at Eren.

********************  
(Eren POV)

“Now you know how I felt, except for the fact that I wasn’t guilty.” I mutter as I turn around, staggering in the corridor.

_I can’t believe he wouldn’t even try fixing us. He went right away to Erwin. I’m angry. I’m angry at Levi for cheating on me, for not caring, for not listening, for not believing me, for showing me love and then breaking me. I’m angry at Armin, for holding Jean’s hand after what he did to us. I’m angry at Jean because of everything he did. I’m angry at Erwin for being the asshole he is and trying to steal my whole life away. And…I’m angry at Mikasa, who’s smirk wasn’t hidden fast enough for me not to notice. She knew, this was done on purpose. Either she wanted us over or she wanted me to suffer. She got both. I never felt so alone in my entire life._

I get myself through the labyrinth that is the castle and try to find the door to the outside but I’m confused. I get lost. _I’m angry. I’m angry at myself for letting those feelings come in in first place. I lost track of my goal of avenging my mother. I lost track of how hard I worked to get where I am now. I lost track of the life I was planning to live, free. I lost the dreams I had of seeing the ocean with my friends. I lost my friends. I lost my life. I lost myself. I lost my “reason to live”. But I found the exit..._

I slam the door open and I know exactly what I’ll do. I don’t want to live anymore, not like this, not with them, no longer. I know how to die. They’ll have no other choice than to kill me. _That’s how it was bound to end, right? After all, all titans shall be killed._ I take a step outside, rip off my shirt and bite my hand. Soon enough, all you can hear is the raw screaming of an uncontrollable titan, one that was set free. One that is no longer Eren Jaeger, the angry German kid, the brave hero that fails and gets back up every single time, the boy that loved too much, the boy that wanted to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Sorry for the really bad cliffhanger here... I will be posting the next chapter (which is the last one) along with the first chapter of the sequel which you’ll have to subscribe to separately. I’ll put the name at the end of the last chapter. I am terribly sorry for the feels…if it did even do anything to you guys. I’m really doubting my writing skills at this point. Do not worry though, I write those fics for myself in first place so I’m not about to stop. My ereri obsession is never going to sink. Feel free to leave feedback, I really like when you do.
> 
> PS: If it ever crosses your mind to fanart this fic or whatever....Please share it to me, I wanna see 0_0 
> 
> Tumblr: Hikarimitsuko


	19. Wings of freedom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N)Hi guys! I just want to say thank you to the ones who read this fic week after week on wattpad and to the ones who joined me here on AO3. It’s been fun to write. I love ereri, always have, always will. They are my babies and to me it’ll always be canon that they belong together no matter how SNK ends. Now, as I mentioned before, there is a sequel that is started but not yet completed. I usually submit the chapters on mondays. Anyhow, sometime next week, the fic should be up to date here too as well as on wattpad. (Don't go spoil yourselves there because as I transfer the stuff from there to here, I take the time to correct and add stuff that I feel was missing so you might lose things if you read it there.)
> 
> Please read the author notes at the end, it's important.

(LEVI POV)

“MOVE! GET OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY!” I shout to someone who walks slower than an elderly in the corridor.

I shove them on the side as I run while trying to put on my harness at the same time. I only had time to put on my jeans and white button up shirt somewhat properly before I heard the titan scream. _Eren, what did you do?_ I let the tears fall down as I stumble and fall on my knees, totally incapable of putting on my harness correctly. I pull on it angrily. Someone kneels beside me and grabs my hand. I lift the other one to slap the person but she grabs my wrist and stops me.

“Levi… you won’t be of any help that way.” Hanji says. “Let me help you.”

I nod, exasperated but knowing very well that I can’t do this alone right now. She fixes the harness on my right leg while I fix the one on my left leg, not even trying to hide my fear and despair. Then, she helps me up and throws me my pair of boots.

“Thank you.” I mutter as I put them on and start running again.

I push the door and I see Eren, rampaging the trees a little further away from the castle. He must have shifted there to be sure he wouldn’t actually hurt anyone. It is still a possibility though and soldiers are aligning to try and put him down. I grit my teeth as anger fills me. Not only because they want to hurt him but because I did. I walk to them and place myself in front of the soldiers.

“YOU DO NOT EVEN THINK OF TOUCHING HIM! I’ll take care of him. Am I being clear?” I ask, making sure every syllable sounds like a death threat.

“But Heichou, he is not himself…he…” Armin starts to say.

I sharply turn my head to him.

“ARLERT! Are you second guessing my ability to take him down? Are you going against one of my orders?”

I walk to him and glare angrily at his face.

“I swear you do not want to mess with me in the state of mind that I am in.” I warn.

“No sir!” He says as he salutes me.

His eyes say more than that though. _He is angry with me. Hell, I am too. What the fuck went through my mind?_ Erwin and Hanji walk out the door at the same time and the crowd grows by the second. I glance at Erwin.

“You stay the fuck away!” I mutter to them, hatred plastered all over my face.

Hanji knows it’s nothing against her. It’s all on Erwin. _But technically it’s all on me._ Hanji nods while grabbing Erwin’s arm and pulling him behind, closer to the castle’s wall.

I move to the stables and grab a spare set of 3DM Gear. I put it on and it seems to take forever. When I’m finally done with all the buckles, I start walking closer to Eren. As I approach, his gaze falls on me. We both freeze and I’m wondering what he’s going to do. It takes less than a second for him to start running towards me. I turn to the left where a couple of trees still remain intact and run for my life. The gear pulls me forward and up in the air as I grab the handles and press the trigger buttons. I haven’t drawn my blades out because I refuse to hurt him. If anything I’ll just get him out of there when I can reach the nape of his neck. I maneuver on the left and then on the right and then around him as he tries to catch me. Eventually, I manage to jump on his shoulder. I run forward closer to his head. I grab a hair strand and balance myself closer to his ear.

“EREN! Listen to me!” I order.

All I get is another roar as an answer and he almost makes me lose my balance as he shakes his head.

“EREN! Please, I was lost. I thought you betrayed me. I am so sorry that I didn’t believe you, I should have let you explain. My ego, my pride, I should’ve listened to you. I am the one who betrayed you in the end. I am sorry. So sorry, I know you can hear me! Please Eren, stop! Stop before they kill you!”

He shakes his head again and this time I fall on my back on his shoulder. As I slide down, I grab one of the handles to press the trigger and hook myself onto Eren’s skin before I fall to the ground. I regain my balance and I have no other choice, I need to get him out of there. I see Erwin, Connie and Armin walk closer to us fully equipped with 3DM gear.

“STAY THE FUCK AWAY!” I shout. “I got this!”

I jump off of his shoulder and switch my weight on my left leg in order to turn around him. The hooks never fail and grab at his skin many times leaving tiny dent holes that seems to take more time than usual to heal. As I get closer to his legs, I turn around him one last time, not removing the hooks to try and wrap the wires around him to make him fall to the ground as he gets twirled into my gear. It works. He falls on his knees. As soon as it’s done, I make my way back up to his ear. I grab a piece of hair and rest my feet on his jawbone to support myself. He keeps on shaking his head but is more preoccupied by the fact that he is on the ground. He slowly raises one leg, almost ready to get back into standing position.

“Eren, please. I’ll get you out of there, but don’t run away from me. I want to talk about this. We can go away, we don’t even have to stay here. I’ll follow you wherever you go. Forever, remember? We made a promise and I intend on keeping it.”

I let myself glide down to his neck and hook a blade to one of the handles. I kiss it, hoping that everything will be alright once again. As I push it inside the titan’s body, he vibrates with anger and I don’ t even see his massive hand as it hits me on the right, making me glide my blade inside of him as I finally let go and fall roughly on the ground, losing my breath. The crack I hear is unmistakable. _I broke a bone._ As I lay there on my side, my vision blurs and fills with black dots and pieces of grass, I also see the titan fall to the ground, blood dripping from his back. I try to sit but I fall back right away. I scream as I notice how the previously broken rib is now broken again and sticking out even more than before. My tibia also has a weird angle to it and I can’t get up. I have no idea how I’m still conscious but I guess it’s my body fighting on adrenaline. I sit again, barely breathing and blood dripping from my mouth onto my pants and shirt. _I need to go see that he is alright._

Armin walks up to Eren, still stuck into the titan’s back. As he kneels beside him, I see his face. Shock, fear, sadness. _I know… I know what his face means._ Jean walks to him right away and takes him away from Eren and back on the ground. _I…need to see. What have I done?_ I get up slowly as adrenaline fills my body even more. I limp as fast as I can towards the titan’s corpse. I climb as fast as possible onto his back. I reach the bloody opening, sliced unequally, my heart pounding in my chest. The vision of horror terrifies me. Eren’s back is slightly cut, but the place where it is, is actually what matters. His spine certainly got touched because he has a cut from one side of his back to the other. _I almost sliced him in half._ I wonder if he can even heal now. Fear paralyzes me. I take a moment to process everything and then I take my blade out. I cut the muscles that hold him in place and drag him out, wincing as I try to ignore the pain from my broken bones. I kneel in front of him. I bring my head close to his heart. Ba-thump. Ba-thump. Ba-thump. Ba-thump. _He’s alive, he’s still there._ I drag him onto my knees and hold him up a little, his face close to mine. He rests limply on me. I grab his hand and tighten my grip.

“Eren. Please wake up. Please wake up for me.” I beg, tears falling from my eyes.

He doesn’t move and I can feel his heartbeat fading as my palm let’s go of his hand to check the familiar beating in his chest.

“E-Eren…” I stutter. “D-Don’t leave me.”

Uncontrollable sobs come out of me as I press my lips against his, leaving a trace of blood on his soft lips. Seeing as he has no reaction, I nestle my head into his neck, inhaling his scent, a mix of cinnamon and spring. I’m trying my best to ignore the atrocious pain that my ribs put me in when suddenly I feel a hand on my head. I straighten myself up.

“EREN!” I shout as I see his eyes half opened.  
“S-stay there.” He mutters as his hand points to his neck and blood drips from his mouth.

I instantly bring my head back to where it was.

“Eren, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I love you.” I say as I nudge my nose against the crease under his jaw. “I’ll spend the rest of my life to make it up to you. Please don’t leave me. I’m so sorry.”

He places his hand right back up where it was, in my hair and starts to tangle his fingers in it.

“You told me to never remove my hand from there.” He whispers. “Remember?”

I smile through tears as I recall the memory of this. That time where I tried to push him away but I couldn’t. I was already in love with him. I had already fell too deep.

“How could I forget, Brat?” I smirk, nestling my head in the crease of his neck again.  
“Listen, Levi. I’m gonna go now. I can’t…”

He starts coughing and I see blood dripping down his jaw. I can’t look up to his eyes. I can’t see what I fear. I can’t look at his soon to be lifeless green orbs staring blankly at me. I clench my fists and jaw and close my eyes.

“Please Eren, don’t. I beg you. Don’t leave me.”  
“…I-I’ll be here, forever.” He says as he puts his hand over my heart. “I love you Levi.”

“E-Eren w-wait!” I stutter, unable to push down the growing lump in my throat. “There are so many things I’d like to say. I’m so sorry for being such a jerk. I love you! I always have, I always will. You are the only thing that matters. I promise I’ll make it up to you. Even if it takes a hundred years. I promise I’ll always be there but please, don’t leave me. Don’t leave me here. Remember our promise? You promised you’d never leave me. Please Eren.”

No answer. I feel a breath. A long and steady one. A desperate call from the lungs who are giving one last shot at the heart. Ba-thump. Ba-thump….. Ba-thump……..…Ba……thump. Then, he let’s go of the breath he’d been holding and the beating stops as his heart gives up on this world. I blink a couple of times to try and chase the tears from my eyes. I sit back on my right heel, the only one still somewhat in the right angle. I’m suffocating. I look at him while my lungs can’t seem take a breath correctly. The superficial intake of air makes me breathe faster and faster until I feel dizzy from it. I open my mouth and close it again.

In front of me, I see a smile, one that made my heart melt so many times, one that sits casually on Eren’s face as he seems at peace. His eyes though, are empty. His soul, the beautiful and angry Eren Jaeger, is gone. _My Brat is gone. My Eren…is gone, and it’s all my fault._ I stare at him, showing no emotions, empty hearted. _I feel dead inside._ I wipe some of the blood that he has around his mouth with my white button up. _Not out of disgust, but just in a loving manner._ And then, I bend down and kiss him one last time. I pull away from his soft lips, leaving a trace of mine in the drying blood. _Who knows if he even heard what I said to him. Who knows if he even meant that he still loved me after all I did to him. I’ll never know now._

 _I was so proud and full of myself, thinking I could never be wrong, that I destroyed everything. I lost everything. Once more. For the same reasons. This time, I won’t go on. This time I can’t go on. I lost all strength and will._ I sit back up and place Eren back on the titan’s skin that is already steaming and hot, leaving us some sort of privacy as it clouds around us. I look at the blade that rests beside me. _I’m already badly injured. And I have no motivation to keep on doing this. To keep on living this life. I might as well end it. I might as well rid the world of the terrible person that I am._ I pick up the blade and stare at it for a moment. _Eren’s blood is on it and I know that I do not want to live in a world where he is not. _I raise it high and take one last breath. From the corner of my eye I see Hanji running towards me. And I hear her voice as everything seems to go in slow motion when I push the blade in one swift movement inside of my stomach. I glance at the soldiers in front of me and whisper:__

__“I’m sorry.”_ _

__Then, I fall on top of Eren. Letting myself give up. Growing wings on my back. Setting myself free. Free of the guilt. Free of the responsibilities. Free of this life. Free to be with him forever, wherever that may be._ _

___And who knows…we might even meet again. Wherever you are, I will find you Eren. I promise._ _ _

__**The End** _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO!!!! First, please don’t kill me lol! Ereri is my life, there is no way I could end it that way. So you might want to read the sequel to see what’s going to happen to them. I wish you guys would’ve left some comments at least on some chapters so that I would know what to aim for for the sequel. I already have everything lined-out but I wished I’d have more details on what YOU guys like. Anyways, go subscribe to "But since we're going to live here" ... The first chapter will be posted in a couple of minutes just while I set it up. 
> 
> See you soon and I’m leaving you with a list of a couple of songs I listened to when I wrote this fic (well there are a lot but these specific ones were always close to me because they reminded me of ereri). ALSO, the first one on the list would probably be the credit song if this fic was ever a movie…lol.
> 
> 1-Imagine Dragons - Bleeding out
> 
> 2-Coldplay – Fix you
> 
> 3-Coldplay – The scientist
> 
> 4-Goo goo dolls – Iris
> 
> 5-Oasis – Wonderwall
> 
> 6-James Blunt – Goodbye my lover
> 
> 7-Imagine Dragons – My fault
> 
> 8-Adam Lambert – For your entertainment
> 
> 9-The weeknd – Wicked games
> 
> 10-The weeknd – High for this
> 
> 11-Tove Lo – Habits
> 
> 12-Alesso – Heroes
> 
> 13-Alex and Sierra – Give me love (it’s a cover)
> 
> 14-Yeah yeah yeah – Heads will roll
> 
> 15-KSM – Distracted
> 
> 16-MSTRKRFT ft. John Legend – Heartbreaker
> 
> 17-Muse – Undisclosed desires
> 
> 18-Metric – Love is a place
> 
> 19-Queens of the stone age – No one knows
> 
> 20-Cascada – Why you had to leave
> 
> 21-The script – Breakeven
> 
> 22-30seconds to mars – The kill
> 
> 23-Linkin Park – Numb
> 
> 24-Imagine Dragons - Demon
> 
> 26-A great big world – Say something
> 
> 27-The Fray - Never say never


End file.
